The Turning Point

The truth is, I can't pinpoint it. There probably was no "point" at all but a gradual shift, as meaningful changes often are.

I started veiling daily on Samhain 2012. After much reflection, meditation, and searching, I knew it was something I needed to do. In recent months, I've been feeling a pull away from veiling. This gave me pause because it was something I was so sure was supposed to be a part of me. I had known it since childhood. I rejected this new feeling. It couldn't possibly be right. Veiling was right.

The funny thing about accepting something you need to do is that you also must be open to the time when you don't need it anymore. The truth is, I was in a very different place in my life in 2012. Not necessarily worse (unless you consider the terrible company I worked for) but different. Physically, spiritually, emotionally different. This new place along the journey of my life doesn't seem to need what I needed four years ago. It's no surprise really, but I do tend to hold on to things even when I no longer need them in the same way. So I needed more reflection, more meditation, more searching.

That's the journey. After four years of veiling when outside my home every day, I don't need that anymore. I don't need to stop veiling completely either. I will veil for Sabbat and Esbat days, I will veil for any rituals in addition to those days, and I will veil when I need to - perhaps a low energy day or an everything's annoying me day or something.  

It took a conversation with my friend Heather, who is experiencing a similar shift in her veiling journey, to accept how this calling is changing and to realize how it needs to change. But I'm very excited. As much as I knew four years ago that I needed to veil, I know now that I don't need it as much as I did. I don't even approach donning my veil every morning as I used to, which was probably my first sign that it's not doing what it once did for me.

Mabon, the Autumnal Equinox, is a perfect time for letting go of things that no longer serve you, reflected in the trees losing their leaves (eventually - it certainly feels like summer is still in full swing even with Mabon just about a week away). It's also a good time for "fall cleaning," again clearing away things that are no longer necessary. In that vein, I went through my entire vast scarf collection, putting some in little baggies to coordinate with the energies of the Sabbats and Esbats and holding on to my absolute favorites. The rest (that's 71 scarves as of this writing and I still have more to go through) are going into a box to sell or (more likely) donate. Downsizing my scarf collection is probably the hardest part of this, but I don't need so many! I really only wear just a small handful on a daily basis now as it is.

I'm excited to start doing fun things with my hair again. It's the longest it has ever been now. I should be able to pull off 7-strand braids to great effect! I've been reading up on victory rolls and I could dig out my spiral curlers again. My greys are coming in silver and I actually quite love them, though I could get tired of them in a week and need some color. I'm taking bets now on how many people at my office are going to faint when I show up on the 23rd after Mabon without my veils.

The seasons change. My spiritual needs change. It is a beautiful time to embrace change.

Infinity Scarf Tutorial

Another tutorial! How to tie an infinity scarf as a headwrap!

The Four Strand Braid Tutorial

Sometimes, I braid the ends of my veils in this awesome 4-strand thing and a lot of my veiling friends ask me how I do the braid. Here's a crazy little video of how!

Let Me Tell You A Story About Hestia

When I first started on this path more than 20 years ago, I came across a lot of 'educators' and 'teachers:'  good folk who wanted to help new pagans find their way. Unfortunately, the most vocal of teachers tended to teach McWitchcraft - the kind of magic that you get from a book with a glossy bright cover and probably published by Llewellyn. That's not to say that everything published by Llewellyn is of the "fluffy bunny" variety (I dislike that term, but I have to admit it applies here), but quite a lot is and weeding through to find what isn't is near impossible when you're just starting. I had a mentor to help me through the fluff, at least, but that's not what this story is about.

One of those 'educators' tried to mentor me. She told me everything on this path was chosen - either by me or agreed upon by my coven. I've never been much for practicing religion or expressing faith with a group (with some exceptions), so that essentially meant I chose it all. That's great that my faith is in my hands, but then where is the divine? Where is the Lord and Lady in all of this? Don't they care about any of it? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But I just couldn't wrap my head around a faith that had no guidance from deity. That wasn't what I believed, that wasn't what my heart knew to be true, that wasn't faith.

I chose it all, she said. I chose my "craft name," I chose my patron god and goddess, I chose my totem animals and my spirit guides. These are things that I just felt came from the divine- they have no meaning, no truth, if I just pick from a list because it sounds cool. My real mentor disagreed with her also. She told me those things are given and when they are given, you will know it. That is true to what I felt.

So I learned and I practiced and I didn't pick anything from a list. It took time, it took years, but those things did eventually get revealed to me. The story of that and what it means in my faith and to my path isn't why I'm here either.

In time, I had a patron, Artemis. She was a guide, a companion, a teacher, a beacon. She was what I needed when she came to me and I learned so so much from her mysteries. It was a wonderful feeling, like I would never be alone.

And then she left. Oh, it was some years later, I don't even remember how many. She had been there for years and then she just wasn't there. For a time, I felt abandoned. It was an unusual place to find myself; no guide, no companion, no beacon. But meditation and reflection and communion with the divine led me to understand that she taught me everything she could and it was time to move on. I was without a patron for about four years.

I kept myself open during that time. Another goddess might present herself and if you're not ready to receive, you could miss it entirely. I had long been drawn to hearth goddesses, especially once I owned my own hearth. I paid particular attention to Brigid. Even though I've never locked myself into one pantheon, my patron god was Tuatha Dé Danann so it made sense to search there. But my previous patron goddess was an Olympian, I only casually searched there for another. I resisted it, actually.

I've spoken plenty of my calling to veil. It got stronger the more I didn't do it. It got stronger when I learned all I could from my patron, and stronger still when I started keeping my own hearth. I've long had an affinity for Brigid, but she is not a veiled goddess. I started to feel that maybe she wasn't it, maybe her mysteries were not what I needed. Hestia presented herself. I had never worked with her. I spent time with Artemis, the rest just didn't speak to me. And yet, here she was, trying to show me something - something that I needed to see that I wasn't exploring.

I'm having a hard time putting this feeling and experience to words. It's like when someone calls on the phone but you're so distracted by something in front of you, you barely hear them. But they keep calling and you are still distracted. I was up to my eyeballs in veiling tradition research around this time. And then I found a reference- Hestia was veiled, and her cult was veiled, and the female head of the household was responsible for honoring her mysteries in the home. I already knew that, Classical Mythology has always been a strong subject for me, but I- I don't want to say forgot- I didn't pay attention.

I've told this part of the story before. Everyone was hunkering down for a big storm. My home had taken some damage in the last storm and I was worried. I thought of the hearth goddesses who had my focus of late, and I asked Hestia for help. That was an uncharacteristic move for me, I was still searching, I normally would have just asked the Lady and given her no name. But that's not what happened. On that day, I needed an aspect, I needed something specific, so I asked for Hestia and she answered. Considering my earlier analogy, that's rather amusing to me.

Hestia had been trying to reach me for a while, and when I accepted that, so much of my life fell into place. I was able to focus on what I needed to focus on. I've learned so much about myself, about the path I'm on, and the direction my life is leading. It's funny, because as much as I say I was open and searching and mindful, I still resisted when I heard her call. When I answered, I knew I found the beacon I needed.

Modest, Plain, Ugly, Oppressed

I want to talk about this because I've seen it so much. I'm probably going to go all over the place, but let me get this out anyway. I'll watch a video on a lovely new way to wrap my scarves, or a blog post of someone explaining why they cover and, somewhere in the comments, there is almost always someone who does not want to understand. Somewhere, there is someone who feels the need to express their ignorance.

The first is one I often see in response to ladies who say they cover for modesty. These ladies, every one of them, look beautiful in their coverings and usually their coverings are beautiful garments on their own. The comment is often one of confusion, someone who did not realize that modest does not have to be plain. Plain, in my understanding, is neutral colors, no adornments, simple shapes and lines. Plain is not fancy and not decorative, it is muted and simple and practical. Modest does not have to be those things. Modest can be bright, it can be decorated, patterned, flattering. Modest can be decorous while still being pretty, while still allowing one to express one's self. Separate those two in your mind right now. Plain is modest, but modest does not have to be plain. Pretty and beautiful are not the opposite of modest.

There is more at work in dressing in a modest fashion than just covering up your skin and hair. You can dress modestly and not cover you hair. You can dress modestly and wear pants. You can dress modestly and still have lovely jewelry. Modesty is personal. It's owning your body. It's recognizing that you are a sacred being and holding that being sacred. It is being comfortable in how you dress, in how you move, in what you do. That, in and of itself, is beautiful. When you do that, when you own your self, everyone around you can see that beauty. And that's where the ignorant comments come in. If someone thinks a lady dressing modestly is beautiful, then that lady must be doing something wrong, something not modest, to make someone think that. Those people are looking at the wrong thing. It's not about the outward appearance at all. A woman who feels confident, secure, and happy looks beautiful. That is her spirit, her self that you are seeing, that you are recognizing as beautiful.

Similarly, plain does not have to be ugly. Plain is also beautiful. Have you ever seen someone in a black abaya and a white hijab? Is that not plain? Is that not also beautiful? I've spent a good deal of time in Amish and Mennonite markets. Ladies in simple dresses, some are colored in pastels or patterned in delicate flowers depending on the community, with hair twisted up and a prayer cap pinned on top. They are happy, confident, in control of their bodies. They are beautiful. Separate that in your mind too. Plain does not mean it must be ugly.

Now, there is a sort of catch 22, and that also seems to be where some of these comments I see come from. Part of being modest or plain is not drawing attention to yourself. In this modern world we live in, anything different draws attention. That is just the reality of this age. Modest dress gets attention because it is different. It is not what everyone else is doing, so people notice it. That does not mean that the person dressing modestly is doing something wrong. That means you are perceiving them through your own standards, through the standards that society says you should have. It's not your fault, don't feel bad. Just stop judging those who are different, ok?

The last bit...that's always the tough one. I see it all the time, most often in response to a Jewish woman who says she covers her hair for her husband or to a Muslim woman who says she covers because her faith tells her to. "For your husband" carries with it the incorrect belief that she does it because her husband told her to, and that is oppression. Yes, that is. If your spouse says he wants you to dress a certain way and there are consequences if you don't, that is oppression. If your spouse asks you to dress a certain way without consequences and you want to do it to please him, that is not oppression. In the same way that your spouse asking you to make him a sandwich and you do it because you want him to eat and you know full well he would get up and do it on his own if you didn't is not oppression. If your religion advises you to dress a certain way for the benefit of your spouse and you love your religion and you think it's a beautiful gesture for your spouse, that is not oppression. So many people seem to not understand this. When you do something because you want to do it, because it means something to you, it is not oppression. It is taking an idea, a recommendation, an ancient law even, and deciding to embrace it and to make it your own and deciding it is relevant in your life. That's not oppression, that's making a decision.

I was watching this video. At about a minute and thirty, they discuss why they cover. She said "look at us. Do we look oppressed?" Of course not! They look beautiful and happy and so in touch with why they do it. I saw a comment (on a different video) where someone was going on and on about how sad she was for the lovely lady who was only explaining why she veiled, how it was a beautiful thing she did for her husband. The commentator said something along the lines of 'if it's not oppression, the men would do it too.' In some cultures, the men DO do it too! Jewish men might wear a kippah, the Qur'an has instructions for both men and women to dress modestly, Amish and Mennonite men may have dress restrictions, the requirement of Sikh men to wear a turban is the biggest example of this. It's not all on the women. Once again, people need to stop judging a culture from their own standards.

I do not wear a veil for my husband, as I have none just yet. My betrothed has made no demands on my appearance whatsoever one way or the other. He has never asked me to veil, and he has never asked me not to. He compliments me when I look nice, but he pretty much says that every day. I couldn't tell you if it's because he likes the veil I'm wearing that day or if it's just that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful (I know the latter is true, I do not know if the former ever is true). There are no specific tenets of my faith that recommend dressing modestly or wearing a veil, though the reasons I do it are faith-based. My decisions with regard to my wardrobe are entirely up to me. That can't possibly be oppression.

I just used a whole bunch of words to say one simple thing that I wish more people would learn: Modest and plain dress does not have to be ugly and are almost always not oppression.

Why I Love It

In the interest of entering this giveaway from Wrapunzel.com, my absolute favorite place to buy scarves and tichels, I want to elaborate on what I said on my Facebook entry just a bit.

wrapunzel.com/events/current-giveaway/

Picking out my veil for the day is a deliberate act. Sure, I consider what matches, how I might tie it that particular day, what I need to accent it and give it that personal touch. But it also reaffirms why I do it every single morning. For many pagans, our actions are judged by intent. The intent behind lighting a candle, holding a Yule vigil, spell casting on a full moon. Intent is everything. My intent is to bind myself to my path, to honor my goddess, to own my own body and be in control of it. There is intent in every wrap, every knot, every tuck, every day. It is the daily magical life that I've always wanted to lead. And the weight of my veil is a constant reminder throughout the day of my journey. A reminder to always strive to be my best, to always know that I am beauty, that all the life around me is beauty.

And, above all, it reminds me that I do not walk this path alone.

Hunting and Finding

My better half and I had an extremely busy holiday party schedule. The college where I work closed for winter break on December 20th. We had a party that evening, two parties on the 21st along with my traditional Yule vigil, dinner with friends on the 22nd, Festivus, dinner with Dav's dad on Christmas Eve, lunch with my family and dinner with Dav's mom on Christmas Day, there was even going to be another gathering on the 26th. By that point, I was was entirely worn out, and we realized we had not spent a single day at home together since the break started. Dav even took time off of work so we could have some days off together. They were just all full of parties and dinners and gatherings. All fun, don't get me wrong, but just the kind of stuff that saps me dry of energy. So, we stayed in the 26th and 27th and did the original Thursday thing on Saturday. We managed to accept three invitations for New Year's Eve, which ended up being quite a day. It all worked out great, we got to spend some time alone and some time with our friends and family. But parties is not really why I'm here. 

The first party on Saturday the 21st was Dav's work party. Hobnob with the coworkers and the company bigshots in nice evening attire. I've been to fancy company holiday parties before (and am quite grateful that my current employer is so very casual!), so I had an idea of how this one would go. While this was not my first evening attire party since I started veiling, it was the first where I would be surrounded by strangers and did not feel like exposing my hair. 

Ack! What to do?! I could not help but feel that my every-day choices of cotton tichels and flannel scarves would be inappropriate for the dress code of the evening and I was completely at a loss as to what I could do to cover my head in a more formal way. Like any good researcher, I hit the Internet! And hoped I could find something that I could do with my current collection of veils to make at least one of them appear more formal. 

And here is the result!

Waterfall Twist

I found this amazing blog, Wrapunzel, where the lovely Andrea posts about her daily coverings with pictures and video tutorials galore! Since then, my knocking about on the laptop days have consisted of multiple pages of her site open in my browser. I can't get enough; her wraps are beautiful and elegant and, as I tend to favor the more Jewish styles of covering, right up my alley. She called the one I used for the formal office party a Waterfall Twist, and it was so easy, and I was able to use a scarf I already had in my collection! Interestingly, it was a scarf that I rarely wear, I have no idea where it came from, it's thicker than I'm used to and longer than I generally wear. But I kept it in my box of veils anyway, because someday I might have a use for it. It has an inconsistent pattern of stripes and blocks in black and shades of gray with silver threads. It was perfect with my little black dress. I paired it all with a black and white shawl with bits of red and khaki for a little color. 

I talked about possibly making some videos to help those of you who might also find yourselves on a veiling journey as I did. I may still, but in the meantime, I strongly encourage you to check out Andrea's site. She has a Beginner's Guide, tons of pictures, so many video techniques, and even a store. I ordered a few things and I can't wait until they arrive! I was given six beautiful pashminas, which are more like really thick rectangular shawls, and had so much trouble trying to get them to work on my head. Wrapunzel has a solution for that too! Really, hit those links, click about on her site. It is a fantastic resource!

In other news, I think I've decided to grow out my bangs. Yes, I said I think, because I guess I really haven't decided anything. I love the Bettie Page look, I love that it adds some interest and frame to my face with the rest of my hair covered, but I'm quite tired of the upkeep. I don't go to the salon, so the only way to keep them trim is to do it myself, and I don't do that as often as I should. I miss the styles I used to do pre-bang, which is kind of funny that's even part of my thinking as I don't plan to stop veiling any time soon. Still, being happy with my hair underneath my veil is still important. And I still have the clip-in bang hair piece that convinced me to actually cut them into my hair in the first place. The part where the piece met my natural hair never looked right on its own, so I always wore it with a headband over that area, which is pretty much exactly what I do now only the rest of my hair is usually covered too. I might get tired of the in-between length that my bangs are getting to and chop them off again, but we'll see how this goes.

Covering a Year

It was a year ago Samhain night when I started daily veiling. My collection of suitable veils in color and style has grown quite a bit, and the ritual of choosing and coordinating my veil to my outfit has become part of my regular morning routine. My veils include scarves, tichels, snoods, tube bandannas, headbands, and hats. I do not cover when sitting around at home or among relatives (to include the future in-laws) unless we plan to go out somewhere. I tend to reserve more open veils like headbands to situations where I'm in the company of family and not-family, and times when I want to show off my hair but still be covered. Remember, I veil to cover my crown chakra, not my hair (though most of my hair also gets covered more often than not). This is what I've observed in a year of veiling.

You may recall, dear readers, that I accurately predicted that my previous boss would have an issue with my veils. I fully believe that her prejudice is the main reason why I ended up in the laid off group. One of the questions she asked me was if I would accept a position at a new company if they told me I couldn't wear my veil. My answer was no, of course. So, in the last year, I went to a job interview veiled and not one person on the interview committee asked about or even mentioned my covering at the interview, and still have not even now. I've been working there three and a half months, and only two people have asked about my veils - out of curiosity. Unlike my prejudiced former manager, no one cares. And this job requires me to be far more of a public face than the last one ever did. No one cares. And that's the way it should be.

I have found that other ladies who veil are more likely to talk to me than before I started veiling. Even silly things like asking me a question about a product while we're both standing in the baking section of the craft store. One in particular I remember was a lovely lady wearing a simple black hijab with sparkly pins holding it in place. I rarely see other versions of veils than hijabs, really. I started looking for, and thus noticing, veiled people when I started my research, but it started happening far more often when I started veiling myself.

Sometimes people ask, and sometimes I just bring it up in conversation when conversations go that way. I haven't really met with a whole lot of animosity or prejudice to my choice (with the exception of said former boss). Most people in my circle have been really supportive, if they express caring at all.

I'm going to continue to do it. I may not always. One day, my journey may lead me down a different path but, for now, it still feels right. Sometimes, I feel like I miss fancy braids in my hair, but I don my veil anyway and don't regret it. It makes my mornings easier, as I don't have to focus on my hair any longer than putting it up and picking a covering for the day. And if I want to do something fancy for a special occasion, I may as I choose.  Sometimes, a fancy headband over my style satisfies both needs.

A Discovery

If you're one of my friends on Facebook, you've seen that my boss has finally decided to take issue with my head covering. Her argument is that it is a hat, and we have a "no hats of any kind" policy - of which I am fully aware. I first attempted to counter that my scarves are not hats, but she maintained it was. I explained it was part of my religious observance, she wanted to know what religion, what part of it requires me to veil, if I would be ejected from the faith if I did not veil, if there were any times when I did not veil. She implied that if I were a member of some faith that she had heard of and knew had a veiling practice, like Muslim or Quaker, than it would be ok, but because I'm a member of a faith she's never heard of and she doesn't understand why I veil or think that it is important to the practice of my faith, she's going to talk with Human Resources and see what they say.

I do not trust her to be unbiased about it, based on our conversation. I believe she will present the matter to HR in such a way as to interject her personal beliefs - it's not important to the practice of my faith, it's not required by my faith, no one has heard about my faith anyway, and a scarf is a hat. She will fish for the answer that she wants by making judgments on the validity of my practice, instead of accepting that exceptions to dress codes for religious observance need to be made. When I told her I could have my clergy write a letter to HR, she said that was not necessary. I suspect because once I get clergy involved it becomes an official matter of religious discrimination, and she won't get the answer that she wants. I have asked for that letter anyway.

I have also asked to meet with someone in HR. Because I can't trust my boss to be unbiased, I have to be able to present my case directly. I will also write a letter for them to have on file officially requesting the accommodation of my religious dress if they're going to argue that a scarf is a hat.

I was speaking to my Plain Quaker friend, Valerie, about it. She has offered to write a letter on my behalf as well, stating why Quakers veil and quoting scripture. But I'm not Quaker. Valerie explained thus:

"In my heart, everyone's good enough to be a Quaker, they just don't know I made'em one

I figured, we have Buddhist Quakers and Jewish Quakers and Muslim Quakers, there's enough room for ever'body in my boat, LOL

We have four types of Quaker meetings--pastoral, non-pastoral, which sounds like one's in the countryside but means with a preacher, or not.

And, we have Conservative, and Liberal. Conservative is me, I'm a Jesus hugger, and Liberal, which fits in other faiths as Quaker and doesn't require a belief in Jesus.

Overall, using society's terms, we are Conservative in that we believe in protecting the environment, being somewhat self-sufficient in caring for ourselves, pretty much against killing in any form (war, death penalty, mercy killing, etc.) But we are all very liberal in that we believe in protest, following what we feel is right rather than what a law says is right, direct line to God without intercessionaries, all men are created equal (to the point we do not use titles, even Judge or Doctor)."

With me so far? It means I could be a Pagan Quaker, or a Wiccan Quaker, and I would be considered a Liberal Quaker. Then she sent me to this site and this site which led me here and here. (Click on these links, dear readers! I'm soooo excited about these!)

Frankly, the more I learn about Quakerism, the more I love it (this is true for me of Sikhism as well, but that's neither here nor there) and I'm fortunate to have such a fantastic resource in Valerie. While I'm fully committed to my pagan path, I am aware that I've had Quaker leanings for years. I'm utterly fascinated by this Quaker Paganism development and I can't wait to do more research on it!

How does this tie into my upcoming discussion with HR? If they decide I need to be a member of some known faith with specific tenets about veiling, I'll have no qualms about claiming Quaker Pagan as it fits my purpose, and I can provide a letter to that end.

But, research! I get to do more research! And I am amazingly elated about what I may find. Something somewhere feels *right* and I need to know more. I'm almost shaking with the excitement of new knowledge and discovery!

What Do You Say?

I've worn a head covering to work every day for three months. None of the higher ups have challenged it (and I'm prepared to fight if they do). People have started to notice, though. And noticing means curiosity, and curiosity means questions. There's nothing wrong with questions per se, but what I thought would sufficiently answer just keeps going.

Coworker, "Time to get coffee, huh?"
Me, "Yep, it's either that or a nap!"
Coworker, "Why do you wear that thing on your head?"
Me, "It's part of my religious observance."
Coworker, "Oh, what is that?"

And here's where I falter. Not in suddenly needing to describe my faith, but in that it's not something that can be summed up in the 30-60 seconds of water-cooler office interactions- especially to someone who has absolutely no familiarity with a non-mainstream religion. I could say eclectic pagan. "What is that?" I could say Hermetic Wiccan. "What is that?" I actually had to specifically tell someone who just kept tacking on the whats, "if you've never heard of it, it's not something I can explain in a few minutes."

Now, I was entirely expecting to have to field questions about my head covering, but I honestly thought 'part of my religious observance' would be enough. After all, my faith and anyone's faith is completely irrelevant to my job. If I were being asked in a job interview, 'religious observance' would legally be sufficient and I would say so under the scrutiny of further whats and whys. I'm not ashamed of my faith and I'm not afraid to talk about it when there is ample time to devote to the subject, but that's not the point. Here, where we all have a job to do and are expected to be at our desks doing it, there is not ample time.

So under more whats and whys, I start stammering out things that make me sound utterly uncertain of what I'm saying, just in an attempt to give some kind of answer that would make sense and be enough of an answer to be accepted without further inquiry. That's never worked. There are always more questions.

Me: "I'm pagan."
Coworker: "Oh, pagans cover their hair?"
Me: "um, no, they don't have to, um, I do, because it's in line with my beliefs, um, because my matron goddess asked me to." blubber blubber blubber.
Actually, once I got an awesome response to this, "Oh, so it's like a sign of devotion." Yes! Like that!

But the "I'm pagan" follow up can go several ways.
Coworker: "What is that?"
Me: "well, uh, mine is a combination of Wiccan and Hermeticism that --"
Coworker: "What's Hermeticism?"
Me: "Um, it's a - a faith practice based on ancient Greek philosophy -- "
Coworker: "Oh, and they cover their hair?"
Me: "Well, not as a rule, no, my beliefs are based on that."
Coworker: "So, why do you cover your hair?"
Start over.

Or
Coworker: "What kind of pagan?"
Me: "I practice a combination of things that resonate with my beliefs."
Coworker: "So, it's made up?"
*headdesk*

Or
Coworker: "I have a friend who's into that stuff."
Ok, I'm throwing this one in here simply because I hear it often. It really has no relevance to my head covering, but it is likely to launch me into a very defensive tirade about how very offensive it is to dismiss my religion as something I'm "in to." You can be "in to" skiing. You can be "in to" gardening. You can be "in to" woodworking but stop doing that and suddenly be "in to" knitting. "In to" is a hobby, it connotes an impermanence and a recreational importance. This is not religion, and if you view your religion that way, you're doing something wrong. But I digress.

Where was I? Oh, let's go back to "what kind of pagan"
Me: {more stammering, because this answer is not accurate. Not incorrect, just not the full picture} "My faith focuses on hearth goddesses, like Hestia."
Coworker: "Oh, what does that mean?"
This one prompted the 'I can't describe it in the time allowed' response.

I think all this means I need to compose an answer, something more thorough than "religious observance" but still offers enough information to curb further questions, or to at least be able to describe enough so that 'I can't describe any more' is acceptable.

So, if I extend my original answer to "It's part of my religious observance, it's an act of devotion to my path and my deity." There's plenty of room for "what is that" questions if I have the time, and still a sufficient enough answer that "I have to get back to work, there really isn't time to go into further details here" should be satisfactory. Right?

What and How and Where and When

I'm splitting this topic up a bit, and I apologize in advance if the next few posts seem disjointed or repetitive. I think they may.

I thought I would go into the specific styles that I've previously mentioned, but that will have to wait until next time. Instead, I want to talk about the veil: what it covers and what it doesn't, some styles available for borrowing, and where and when I choose to veil. Remember there are no rules in modern paganism practices to dictate these things, so where you go from here, how you incorporate veiling into your path, is completely up to you.

What gets covered?

The short answer is: it depends. Some Amish and Mennonite communities allow hair to be pinned up a certain way with a sheer prayer cap on top. Essentially nothing is covered from view, but the hair is not displayed either. Some other communities encourage full bonnets that cover all hair from view. Jewish tichels cover all hair. Muslim hijabs cover hair and neck and, depending on the style, some cover the face also. My Plain Quaker friend Valerie had this lovely thing to say about how she observed other Plain Quakers' dress, "We don’t have a Quaker Hat Store, so women solve that problem by selecting a kerchief, a veil, a prayer cap used in other Plain communities, or make their own, or use a scarf, or adapt until they are comfortable.  I’ve seen braids hanging down behind the prayer cap, hair all the way up (like mine), a tiny veil the size of a spread hand pinned on top of loose curls, and everything in-between."

There are no rules in paganism about hair covering, so my guidelines are completely my own - and that which I sense I am called to do. Really, my point is not to cover my hair (though some days I may), but to cover my crown chakra. Valerie's observations made a great and valid point to me. Even in a community where plain dress might be prevalent, they had no rules. "Adapt until they are comfortable."

As a pagan feeling the need to cover my head, this completely applies. My main drive is to cover my crown chakra, but what to do with my hair? I could leave it loose, so it shows under my veil, or tie it all up in a bun, or leave a braid hanging down. I have bangs that I could keep out or brush back under my veil. I could cover with very opaque fabric or very sheer fabric. There are no rules and no guidelines. This part is completely up to me. And with no guidelines of my own, I take a lot from the other cultures that do have a veiling practice, while trying to keep appropriation in mind.

Let me talk about that for a moment. I've touched on it before, in that people often get mistaken for being a member of a group of which they actually are not. That may not be a bad thing, but it might mean they have to deal with prejudice born of ignorance that they otherwise would not experience. As an anthropologist, I try to be very mindful of how I present myself, trying not to allow myself to be mistaken for following a practice I don't actually follow. I'd be lying if I said I was not trying to avoid any unpleasant reactions from a random stranger on the street, but my main reason is respect. Veiling traditions in most cultures that have them come from something special or sacred, like a religious text, or guidelines set forth by religious and/or community leaders. It is those traditions, those faith practices no matter how they began, that I must respect. Do I know if any of those groups would consider it an insult if a non-follower adopted their practices for entirely different reasons? Of course not, though some people I spoke to at the start of my research did express not being bothered by it. That being said, in many ways paganism is late to the veiling party, and a pagan choosing to veil has little choice than to borrow the styles and practices that have already been adopted by other traditions. It's an amusing and perhaps fitting turn, as other traditions have been borrowing pagan traditions for centuries (consider the "Christmas" tree, that has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of Christ. And there are so many other examples). This is the way the world works, cultures are constantly borrowing from other cultures- borrowing from traditions, languages, styles -  and I don't see this as a bad thing at all. It promotes cultural evolution. [I will say that it becomes a bad thing when the borrowing culture suddenly claims exclusive ownership of the borrowed tradition (consider the "Christmas" tree again) but that's a completely different discussion for another time.]

At the end of this blog, the author posed this lovely question, "for those who say it’s cultural appropriation… whose culture? If most cultures covered their heads at some point, then who is offended, exactly?" A valid question. Even some ancient pagan traditions involved head covering. The neo-pagan movement seems to lack it on a large scale, but it is an old practice that we can draw upon.

Now that we've been through that, what gets covered? Whatever it is that you need to cover in your personal practice. If you're called to cover your head and all hair, do that. If you want to cover your neck too, do that. If it's just the crown chakra and showing hair is okay, do that. If any given day it can be any of these things, do that too. It's completely up to you and your gods (assuming your gods care if you cover or not).

How do you wear that?

I don't mean 'how to tie a tichel' here, I'm talking options- what styles and traditions exist that could be applied to my practice. After the bunches of links (worth following and exploring), this blog post has several lovely photographs of different styles and touches on their associations with different practices (followed by a ton more links- though I honestly haven't gone hopping through any of them yet). I would love to post all the images here for you and talk about them, but they do not all mention a source and I'm not willing to start claiming images I find randomly on the web. But if you follow none of the links I post here, check that one out, if simply for the pictures.

Style means I still want to look good, I still want to look like myself, and I want to appear in a way that respects the culture from which I'm borrowing a style. In relation to this, here is a fantastic post from a blogger responding to a comment someone made about borrowing styles. She said she found as long as it is not something that is just fashion, that there is some meaning to it, people of the other cultures are mostly accepting. I'm inclined to agree with her, and in my research I have found this opinion to be true. Remember why we veil, whatever that reason may be, and use whatever style works for you.

In that regard, I'll probably never wear something in a hijab style. I feel no need to cover my neck except when it's cold, so that style doesn't resonate with me. Also a prayer cap doesn't really suit me. I love the tichel style. I love the look of it (not saying I don't love any other look; for example I think hijabs are quite beautiful- in fact, there's no style I've yet seen that I absolutely don't like aesthetically), I love how versatile it is, and how easy to tie while looking so complicated. I'm also a big fan of snoods, so I expect I'll be wearing those a lot when the weather is warmer. I wear small, triangular bandana type cloths or kerchiefs sometimes, usually when I'm doing chores around the house (I'll get to this). I'll probably never just loosely drape a square or rectangle of fabric over my head as is seen in many depictions of the Virgin Mary. It would work if I needed something temporary and had no reason to use my hands, but I'm more of a tie it on and leave it there kind of person. Most often, I leave my bangs out and have the rest of my hair tied up in some way.

I was and then I wasn't going to talk about the topic of this article. When I was first researching, I just glanced at this page and it looked like someone was using the Bible as a reference for why covering does not apply to Christians in this age. Further reading and really looking at the information being presented shows that it is just the opposite. That makes it apply to my previous topic of oppression: "The Bible says so!" Ok, maybe that is so (hear that, Christians, get your heads covered! I'm kidding.) but further down on this article one realizes that it's actually quite liberal. The part I want to draw your attention to is in what the author has called Myth number nine: "It is significant that God does not specify a style of head covering or give details about how the head should be covered. Should it be a hanging veil, or a hat or cap style? God doesn't specify. Should all the hair be covered? God doesn't specifically say. The emphasis is on a verb, covering the head, rather than on a noun, the head covering. This is significant. By not specifying a style, God gives freedom for a variety of styles and colors of head coverings to be used. God gives freedom for the headcovering to be creative and attractive. It does not have to be old-fashioned, a drudgery, or an embarrassment." Even in the Christian source for head covering, how the head gets covered is open, and communities that follow the practice interpret it in their own ways.

So how do you wear that? Whatever works. Whatever does what you need it to do. If you need a full hijab to cover everything you need to cover, go for it. If a small cloth pinned to your hair covers what you need to cover, go for that too. If one day a wide headband serves your purpose and the next day a bunned tichel does, that's okay.

Where and when do you veil?

You're heading out to buy some groceries: you put on a shirt and some pants, grab a coat, and throw a scarf on your head. You're getting ready for work: you pull on your slacks, suit, or skirt, button up a shirt, and tie a tichel over your head. You're getting ready to do some house cleaning: you put on some grunge clothes, maybe an apron, and tie your hair back with a bandana  You're on your way to visit family: you might just throw a hat on for the journey but take it off for your visit, or pick a shear scarf or bandana  You're sitting at home reading a book: you might pick some lounge wear and leave your hair down. You're crawling into bed, you might don a night cap or just braid long hair so it doesn't strangle you in the night. Some practices encourage veiling at all times, some only when outside the home or not in the company of family, some are required only during active religious observance and ritual.

I've mentioned that one of the places I feel I really need to cover my head is at work. If my main reason for veiling is to protect my sensitive crown chakra from random office energies, that makes perfect sense. Along that same vein, I'm exposed to similar energies when I'm out in the world, so I need to cover then as well. When I am tending to my home, that's a direct communion with hearth goddesses that I have been drawn to of late, so I veil while doing chores around the house as a symbol of devotion (not exactly devotion to a deity specifically, but devotion to a path might be more accurate). Additionally, when I'm in ritual, I feel the need to utilize that same symbol of devotion. I know that some practices cover while sleeping, but I don't feel a need to do that. I do tend to braid my hair, but that's because it's long and I or a cat can easily get tangled up in it during the night. I thought I would be the kind of person who would not need to veil when I'm among family or very very close friends, but it hasn't worked out as I expected. I have different views than many of my family members and I find I need some covering when I'm around most of them for the same reasons I cover at the office. I tend to pick something more sheer and leave more hair exposed when I'm among family, but I have found that I need to cover with something.

I want to explore that last sentence a bit. I have discovered that the types of covering I choose does seem to relate to the situation. I wear no covering at all when I'm with my boyfriend. I don't need to be protected from his energy nor do I have any particular need to express devotion to my path (unless I'm currently doing some activity that relates to that, like washing dishes or making dinner. Even then, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't). Among family, I tend to pick small or sheer veils, or headbands, or hats. Things that usually cover just the crown chakra and not my hair, though sometimes I may do that as well. During hearth-tending activities, I also mostly use those small or sheer kerchiefs, often with my hair bunned or braided for practical reasons. Going out into the world or at work or among company that may be mixed with familiar and totally not familiar individuals, I tend to cover the most, picking opaque veils that tie up my hair as well as cover my crown chakra. In ritual, I have a hood I made for that specific purpose, and I wear it both when I'm practicing a ritual at home and with a group. At other times, not actively in ritual but with that group, the same guidelines apply as when I'm with family. I've noticed that I don't cover when exercising, whether I am alone at home or in my yoga class at the office. It started both because I want to be open and accepting of the energy around me during yoga and because wearing something on my head that will probably fall off after a few down dogs isn't very practical. There's also no real reason to cover when I'm alone at home (exercising or lounging), so I don't do it.

You're probably wondering, dear readers, what this means for you. Where do you veil? Wherever the thing that draws you to veil applies, whether your matron goddess says "all the time" or your compulsion leads you to only veil at work, or you are drawn to veil any time you are outside of your home. No rules means you practice it where you need it, for whatever reason you need to do it.


If you're feeling some kind of inclination to veil, I hope you can get some idea of why and how and when from my series. As pagans, we have so very little to go on, but it is gaining in popularity and I do hope that I've shown that it is not inappropriate for a pagan, or anyone, to choose to adopt the practice if they feel they need to. I hope also that my information might help some non-pagans who might have wondered if and how they could fit veiling into their own practice. If you are not drawn to veiling, I hope you learn a bit about your sisters and brothers of any faith practice who are.

But, I'm not done yet. Next time, I will try to define, describe, or otherwise illustrate the specific kinds of veils that I've talked about (like tichels and hijabs), as well as the specific veil styles that I choose. Likely after that, I'll point you to some great shops for buying a variety of veil styles, maybe share some videos I've found with instructions for tying. I'd also like to post some pictures and possibly videos of my own to help your journey. I understand that I've presented a lot of information in a boring text with links format, and some of you have been asking me to show you what I mean when I talk about certain things. I am happy to oblige and I will figure out how to make that happen, but it might take a bit of time.

But First

I will go back to my exploration of veils and head covers and other modest dress stuff. But first!

A coworker just asked me how long it takes me to get ready in the morning because I always look so clean and neat. Today, I'm wearing one of my woven cotton skirts in navy, with a light purple shirt. My socks are gray and purple stripes, my shoes are black. My tichel is navy with bangs exposed, and I have a purple crocheted headband accent. She said it looks simple, clean, and classy. I feel accomplished. 

I'm actually quite liking this outfit for today. Maybe it's because all the various shades of purple I have on are so close to the same shade, you can't really tell that they're not. And the skirt and tichel in navy are a nice compliment. Maybe it's because it is the simple not-quite plain look that I like without sacrificing my personal style, like color or funky stripy socks. Maybe it's because I just got an order of new tichels in and can wrap my hair in a style that I've always found very lovely. Maybe it's because I feel good today, I feel presentable and put together and comfortable, and maybe that is apparent in how others perceive me today. 

Whatever it is, it was nice to get that compliment. And the answer to her question: maybe ten minutes. There's nothing like waking up in the morning and knowing what you're going to wear. And being able to just throw it on, tie a few knots, and call it done. 

I'm Covered Today

I was going to tack this on to the end of my research post for the day but, while this is related, I decided it really needed its own entry.

First, I hope everyone had a Blessed Samhain, I hope Hurricane Sandy was kind to my East Coast readers, and Happy New Year!

Samhain, the night that most people know as Halloween, is one of the most sacred in the pagan calendar. It's when the veil (there's that word again!) between the world of the living and that of the dead is most thin - allowing for easier communication across the veil during this time. It's a great time to honor loved ones who have passed on. It's also the third harvest, when farmers would determine how much feed they had for their herds and which animals were most likely to survive the winter. The rest were slaughtered and the meat preserved to provide food for the long, barren winter. It is considered to be the Pagan New Year, completing one full cycle of the year Samhain to Samhain. It is both the end and the beginning, and a great time to get rid of old things you no longer need to make room for new things in the coming year.

This week, the blessed and sacred time of Samhain was preceded by Hurricane Sandy. This was a huge storm, a convergence of three weather systems above a very densely populated region. Everyone from Virginia to New England and as far inland as Ohio were told to hunker down and prepare for the worst. There were things about my situation in riding out the hurricane that I wished were different but, in any event, I sat in my home with Phantom and Miss Luna listening to the storm get fiercer and fiercer outside. One of the first things I do when I move to a new home, even a temporary one, is cast a shield around it. It is tied to a protection charm that I make, and fill with herbs and stones and talismans that I feel are appropriate for protecting my home and those who dwell within. I have made such charms for friends before as well. I'm not going to go too much into this right now because that's not my purpose, but tying the shield to a charm means that it is always in place, protecting my home from the forces without.

Shields such as these need regular maintenance - cleansing and refortifying. I have to admit that I've been lax about this one. When I lived with my parents, I maintained that shield very regularly, I even still do when I visit; the charm is still hanging from the mantle. But the one on my own house, I don't think about it much. With a big storm approaching though, I thought about it a lot. I spent a lot of time on it as part of my storm preparation. No amount of preparing, be it physical or spiritual, will guarantee being protected from a physical threat, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

When I lost power, I had nothing to do but sit there listening to the rain pelting my roof, the wind whipping the trees around violently, the storm gathering in intensity. Every now and then, I would poke at the fire I started in the woodstove for warmth and light, but there was nothing else to do. Just me and my cats, and the person I most wanted with me for comfort was entirely out of reach. Even people who are not at the top of that list but would have still been a comfort to have them there were not able to be. Just me, my cats, and my shield against the full power of nature. I was worried about being without power for days like I was at the end of June, I was worried about the tall trees that border my property - a tree had fallen on my house before, long before I owned it. I was worried, and for all intents and purposes, alone. I did something I haven't done in years: I prayed.

Pray is not a word I use in my practice. It doesn't really fit in my path. Maybe it's a remnant of my Catholic upbringing  but prayer to me means talking to God, and I really don't talk to that god anymore. For some reason, when I say prayer, it means communication with that god and only that god. Additionally, I don't believe that the gods are above us, but that they walk with us. They're on a different plain and they see things differently, can manipulate the world differently, but I don't worship them. In that moment, in that storm, alone but with my beloved animals, I prayed. Before that fire, I prayed to Hestia to protect my hearth and home. In worry for the storm, fear for my home and my animals and myself, sadness at being so worried and without the people who mattered the most, I asked a goddess I've never really talked to before for help.

It's not like I hadn't been through a storm alone before. I rode out Hurricane Irene last year also with just myself and my cats and my shield, and that was after an uncharacteristic earthquake and several aftershocks and energies were already scattered and anxious. Maybe it was because Samhain was approaching and the veil was thinning and the energies around this time of year are always different. Maybe it was because I knew my boyfriend would have been with me if he could, and I have been lamenting the distance between us a lot of late. Whatever it was, I prayed to a goddess (which, in itself is unusual for me) for comfort and help. I've been drawn to Hestia in recent years, but I admit I haven't yet explored her mysteries or really considered what Hestia as my matron would mean for my path.

Was it a prayer to a goddess to whom I have not dedicated that helped my home come through the storm with minimal damage? I'll never know, that's why it's faith. I didn't see anyone that day after the storm, but on Halloween night, before heading out to ritual at Shadow Grove, when I was preparing for trick-or-treaters, I was frantically searching my house for something to put on my head. I actually have quite a few things that would serve this purpose, at that moment the only thing I knew was that I needed something on and I needed it before the first child came to my door. I ended up with a crocheted triangle over the top of my head and felt properly dressed. I then wore my regular crocheted hood to ritual as has been my custom for at least a year.

Today, I am covered. I have a long, sheer rectangle scarf wrapped around my head in a tichel crown style. I've packed a variety of things for my weekend visit with my family, including long scarves like the one I'm wearing today, some small triangles like the one I donned last night, a few tubes that are kind of like open snoods or like the wraps that people put around dreadlocks, even some tie-on headbands. More than I actually need for the weekend but they don't take up much space and there's nothing wrong with having options. My power suit and pumps wearing manager isn't here to challenge me today. I'm trying to prepare myself because I know that day will come. I will ask for a letter from my ministers if it comes to that.

I thought I would start covering as I've been pulled to do after some kind of ceremony or retreat. I'd take a couple days off of work so it wouldn't be too much of a shock (I essentially had a couple days off with this storm). I'd take that time to meditate and to prepare and have all my reasons firmly in place for when my boss challenged it. I don't know why I felt it had to be some big event in my spiritual life. But really, what is bigger than a major storm in the days before one of the most sacred days of the year?  It's something I've been needing to do for a while and it's something that I can't resist anymore. It was an epiphany. It's a new day, a new year, and I know it's time.

Perception and Controversy

One of the things about living in a society is that people want to conform to the standards of that society. Even people who claim to be non-conformists still conform in a lot of ways (bet they pay taxes, wear clothes, maybe even have jobs - all of that is conforming to what society expects of you). Conformity in fashion has its own special word, it's called a trend. And it's often the fashion industry that tells us what styles we are to conform to in any season, but that's another topic altogether.

Fashion in this society does include a variety of options, but they are still relatively limited. Just walk through a department store. This season, you'll find jeans, long sleeve t-shirts, denim, sweaters, and skirts that end above the knee are easier to find than ankle-length. The colors available are pretty much from the same palette. When you're looking for something to fit as modest dress, you're going to have trouble finding it on the rack at your local clothing store. For example, the heavy cotton skirts I wear to work during the colder months came from Greentree Weaving at the Renaissance festival.

What I'm getting at is there is an idea and an ideal of what people in this society think that people and the clothing they wear are supposed to look like. Anything that does not fit into this idea gets instant attention. It's not always a good thing, often you're believed to be an outsider, you're abnormal and you don't belong. I see this all the time when I'm wearing my Renaissance festival uniform and I have to get gas or run into a drug store for something. Most of them are positive reactions, but I do get the occasional "what the hell is she wearing" reaction too. Some of the reasons a group might advise or require covering is to protect the wearer from unwanted attention. Most modest dress is meant to be simple and unremarkable. In many societies, it is exactly the opposite. Especially if you are a member of a small group with such rules in a larger group that does not have them.

No one would think twice about someone wearing a beret (which could serve the purpose of a veil) but almost everyone notices a woman in a hijab and abaya, or even a woman in a sari (though a sari is more a garment of showing off a woman's beauty rather than obscuring it). The clothing that is meant to protect you only serves to show how different you are. This blog is a fantastic account of how people react to a hijab. It was just an experiment that she did; she wore a scarf in a hijab style for no other purpose than to see how people would react to her. Some people reacted by trying really hard to ignore her altogether. And when one little girl asked her mom if the people wearing scarves were terrorists, mom failed to say "no, honey, those women follow a religion that calls them to wear those scarves as a sign of devotion." Instead, she glared and walked away.

On this blog is an account of a pagan woman wearing a hijab style veil on her way to an appointment and another woman spat in her path. This story from the same blog (I really wish there were more than two stories on that blog, really) talks of another who witnessed two women in hijabs being harassed by a man and she stepped in to defend them. Being so obviously different, and in a way that a lot of people in this country don't take the time to understand, is met with prejudice and hostility.

This is a fantastic article about the double standards of veiling. A Catholic nun in her habit is seen as pious and devoted. Even a Mennonite in prayer cap and simple dress, who is wearing that kind of clothing for the same reason as a Muslim in hijab and abaya, does not encounter prejudice at the same level. (I am not going to say that these women in non-Islamic veils don't encounter prejudice - everyone does - but Islam gets more negative press than any of these others combined.) Really, oppression about veiling seems to come mostly from the prejudice of people who don't take the time to understand.

From a pagan standpoint, this blogger covered it, "pagan women suddenly found themselves exposed to prejudices aimed towards a religious group they themselves did not even belong to." And why is that? Perception. A person sees a woman in a veil and they make a judgement, and often they make that judgement based on misconceptions.

Additionally, many pagans feel like veiling is taking a step backwards in the feminist movement. That comes entirely from thinking that a woman wearing a veil is oppressed. This forum topic has a couple people commenting on the veil as a symbol of oppression. I would argue that it can't be oppression if it's my choice. One of the administrators of that forum said something wonderful that I would urge everyone to keep in mind, "We all do or wear things that make us feel more confident, and many of us wear things that make us feel more connected to our Gods (jewelry, tattoos, etc.) that others may not understand or would not choose for themselves." I love this statement. Maybe my scarves and veils serve the same purpose as the pentacle pendant that average Diana Pagan dangles from her neck. I wear pentacles too, as a matter of fact. A pair of small earrings  always in the middle of my three ear piercings, and I have worn them every day since I bought them over ten years ago, except on days when I don't wear earrings at all. I wear two rings that are pieces of religious jewelry; one has "Harm None" inscribed on it and the other is a ring of glass beads that a friend made for me in 1993 (that I have worn every day since except for seven days. And yes, I can tell you about those seven days and why I didn't put my ring on those days). The friend who gave me that ring got me started on this path all those years ago. No one forces me to wear these symbols of my faith. Additionally, no one tells me that they are or should be symbols of my faith. They have meaning because I give them that meaning.

I've mentioned a thread on the Noble Pagan forum, that requires membership to read. One of the staff there mentioned she was in a conversation with a pro-choice woman who was stating her opposition to Muslim women veiling and asked "what happened to 'my body, my choice'?" What a great question! If you believe your body is your own, why can't you wear what you want? To those who think these women are embracing a symbol of oppression and dominance need to realize that it actually supports the feminist movement - women are wearing what they want.

I did so much research on this topic that I seem to have lost one of the links I really wanted to point you towards. It was a comment on a forum (not either of the two I have linked/mentioned previously - that I can tell) of a pagan woman who was so vehemently against veiling that she actually had some rather nasty things to say about the people who choose it. It is, perhaps, best that I managed to lose that link as it was rather shocking coming from someone who, essentially in the same breath, said that being pagan was about being in control of one's own faith and practice and life. I was really taken aback that a stranger's clothing choice could conjure such a negatively fierce reaction from someone who should already know what it's like to be so judged for doing something different.

But that's part of it too. As pagans, we've already chosen to follow our hearts and practice a faith that many do not understand and do not bother to look beyond the stereotypes and learn what we're really about. I've been told that my exposure to the pagan world at large has really been rather limited and that the elitist attitude that one pagan's ways or path is better than another's is actually quite common. I did know this, while I've only experienced a small fraction of it directly. Remember when I stated above that everyone encounters prejudice? Sometimes it comes from within, too.  

We're getting to the end of my research on this topic, though I'm sure that doesn't mean I'll stop talking about it. Next time, we'll look at types of veils and ways they are worn, what shows under the veil, a little bit about pagans 'borrowing' styles, and I'll share some shops I've found for buying veils and other modest dress.

Reasons

I somewhat covered the why of it yesterday, but this deserves its own entry. I'm looking a what is beyond "some ancient text says I should" or "the restrictions of my community say I must." I want to explore the choice. When the option is there, why is it taken?

The reasons for veiling are as many as the people who do it. That being said, the simplest answer, and by far the most prominent, is "because I feel called to do it." That calling, that compulsion, can come from faith ("my gods say I should") or a desire to give a certain impression, or a need to identify a certain way, a hope to get a certain effect or benefit.

I have mentioned that my Reiki sensei recommended it. She said it would help with my concentration and focus, reduce the potential for headaches and for being overwhelmed by the emotions of the people around me. In this case, the veil would be a shield or a piece of armor. It is mentioned here and here (the same link noted NSFW yesterday) and here and in a few of the accounts and comments here. While I've felt this pull for years prior to my Reiki training, this recommendation was why I actually tried it. And it wasn't a matter of "sensei said so" but "sensei said this might be helpful and I might want to see if it works for me."

And the answer? It did. I felt safer, more protected, less exposed. And that's probably part of why I still feel called to do it. I feel bombarded, vulnerable. I can cast an energy shield and it helps, but not as much as that physical barrier did- and not nearly as much as the two together did.

Many pagans say their matron goddess requests it of them. Some of the links I've posted already include references to this. Hestia and other hearth goddesses seem to be at the top of the list of goddesses who request this action. In this blog post, the writer mentions specifically that her goddess made a request, not a command. Of all the blogs I've come across in my research, I really enjoyed this one. She gives great examples of how covering works for her and I love that she pointed out the two biggest arguments pagans make against covering are not her reasons for covering. This blog touches on the religious devotion aspect of veiling. This blogger states "My deities don't require it of me, but I feel as though something is telling me that it's the right thing for me to do." My Plain Quaker friend describes it as an individual calling among Quakers as well. Quaker Jane had this page about why some women choose to go plain. This is not the same as modest dress or even just veiling, as I mentioned yesterday, but the reasons are just as relevant.

As for me, I don't have a matron right now. I have, however, felt a pull to hearth goddesses, specifically Brigid and Hestia, for some time and it has gotten much stronger over the past few years - perhaps owing to the fact that I now have a hearth of my own to tend. Likewise, that urge to veil has also been growing stronger since. Second to the recommendation of my sensei, veiling as a sign of my devotion to my path is a very intense desire.

Further along these lines, people are saying that a physical barrier reminds them every day of their faith. The last blog I linked above said "I once heard somewhere (no idea where, now) that the reason Jewish men cover their heads is to remind them that there's something above and beyond them that needs to be paid attention to." I've seen that last part "to remind them that there's something above and beyond them that needs to be paid attention to" quoted over and over among the many blogs and articles I've come across over the past few weeks. This theme of feeling more connected to deity or to faith can also be found in many of the links I've already posted.

Outside of modesty that I talked about yesterday, some pagans say that veiling puts them more in control of themselves. My favorite example of this was in that very first article I came across, "Somewhere amidst the many blogs I read a woman made a comment that she veiled because she didn't have to share herself with everyone. She made the choice on who saw her hair. She deemed a part of herself sacred and set it apart from everyone else, to only share with a select few. I find that concept interesting, that idea of reserved power. A woman may be showing cleavage, wearing a short skirt, and dancing in heels, but her covered hair would represent that she was fully in charge of her body and the decisions made over her body." The article didn't point back to where that came from. I really like this thought. This post also mentions that it can be empowering to be completely in control of who gets to see their hair.

I read a comment on a thread in the Noble Pagan forums (you have to be a member to read it, and I signed up just because the cache indicated there might be some good information there, so I won't link it because of the membership requirements) where a Catholic woman said she recently joined an Eastern Catholic church where the priest encourages women to veil. The reason given was, in her words, "he said that in every major religion of the world anything that is considered Sacred and Mysterious has been veiled and hidden from common site. He then looked at all the women in the church and asked us 'What could possibly be more Sacred, more Mysterious than Woman from whom all life comes.'"

Along the same lines, there are several cultures and faiths where hair is held sacred in some way. Sikhism (a beautiful religion of which so little is known in the mainstream that followers are often mistaken for extremists) is a big example of this. The practice of kesh, allowing one's hair to grow naturally, is used as a way to honor God and the perfection of his creation. The turban that a Sikh wears over his hair is part of this honoring as it keeps the long hair they are forbidden to cut clean and protected. Sikhism is a great example of men who are required to veil as a sign of their devotion! There is even a touching observance called Pag Vatauni where two people may exchange their turbans as a sign of deep and permanent friendship. Women may also wear a turban if they choose, or some other method of covering the hair, but covering the face with a veil is forbidden for both men and women. Some Eastern and Native American cultures believed that hair was sacred, I have heard it explained as an extension of one's soul and so it was not cut. This principle is sometimes why it is covered, though it is not always covered in cultures that adhere to this. In the Victorian era, hair of a deceased loved one was often made into jewelry or wigs for dolls because of its connectedness with the person who is no longer living.

I list these only as an example of considering hair sacred and hiding the sacred from common view. This reason does not resonate that much with me. Only insomuch that I am a sacred being and my entire body is sacred, not just a part of it.(And that in no way is meant to imply that only the head and hair is sacred to these cultures, I'm just trying to illustrate that this would not be one of my reasons to veil.)

Another reason to wear a veil sometimes cited by pagans is as a symbol of marriage. The Jewish guidelines apply to married women, as do the Islamic guidelines in some communities, though unmarried women do sometimes make the choice. This woman says that she enjoys keeping her hair hidden from everyone except her husband.

The comment by Jennifer on this post shows that she does not agree with keeping a body part covered because it is owned by someone else. This post that I've linked before also mentions that it is most often unmarried women who feel their veil is not a representation of marriage but many married women do.

I'm of two minds about this reason, and perhaps my take could be related to the fact that I am currently without a husband, and that I have a wonderful boyfriend who has made absolutely zero demands on my appearance. (It should be noted that most of the women who say they veil in part to keep something else special for their husbands do not also say that their husbands asked it of them. In fact, I only found one reference of a spousal request, three links above.) My first thought is that there honestly is a part of me that likes the idea of considering my body to be something special and sacred and that I choose who to share it with, and if I share it with you, you should take it as the special and sacred act it is. Husband, family, close friends, those are the people who I would trust to allow myself to be completely exposed to them, which is what removing my veil would accomplish in this instance. Those who know me well know that my trust is hard to earn, and those that know me better know just how meaningful it is if I choose to share parts of my sacred and special physical body with them.

But then, I think of 1 Corinthians 11:3-16. In those passages, it indicates a man should never cover his head while praying (11:4) but a woman should always cover her head because an uncovered head is like shaving (11:5) and a shaved head on a woman is shameful (11:6). A man doesn't cover because he was made in God's image, where a woman was made in man's image, from man, and for man (11:3 and 11:7-9) 11:10 states, "For this reason, and because the angels are watching, a woman should wear a covering on her head to show she is under authority" (New Living Translation). That bit right there makes my mind shout "No! Resist, resist!"
1 Corinthians goes on to say that men and women are connected, because woman was made from the first man and all other men were born of woman (11:11-12). In 11:13-16, Paul somehow draws the conclusion that a man's hair should never be worn long but a woman's hair must be, but it must also be covered because it is her pride and joy (11:15). This last verse is interesting because it states "And isn't long hair a woman's pride and joy? For it has been given to her as a covering." This implies to me that a woman's hair is her veil, so I am confused as to why two verses ago a woman must cover her hair when the hair is the covering. It's not the first contradiction in the Bible, to be sure, but that's not why I'm here.

Of course, the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians, and indeed the Bible as a whole, is not a source for my religious faith and practice. So wearing a veil certainly does not mean that I am some man's property or under some man's authority. This is not a meaning for many who choose to veil either, but the historical reason is there, and that is a perception of me that I do not desire. Would it stop me from veiling? Nope. It might stop me from saying "for my husband" as a reason, though. Wearing a veil as a symbol of devotion to a spouse is not without merits. There is a part of me that sees it as a beautiful thing; a sign of my loyalty to the person who I choose to spend the rest of my life with. But it would not be done because he wanted me to, but because it would be something I wanted to do for him.

So I mentioned perception. I want to explore this more, so that's going to be the topic for next time.

In Summation

I feel like my earlier post was pretty long and that I probably didn't draw the points I wanted to draw as well as I wanted to.

I talked about modest dress in Abrahamic faiths because that is the source of the vast majority of information I was able to find. This by no means indicates that it can't be relevant to my pagan life, nor is it an exhaustive exploration.

With the exception of those places where it is required by law, I do not believe that the vast majority of women who cover do so because they are being forced. Most of what I have been able to determine, from reading accounts and talking to people, is that they make this choice. It is a choice based on rules and laws that they may be advised to follow, but for most of them, they follow them because they want to.

This is important to note because so many people think that such coverings mean they are being controlled. Sometimes it does, but not always. What I really wanted to point out, the thing that a lot of pagans - Westerners in general - don't understand is that it is not about control. And where it is, those are the radicals, not the norm.

Is It Hiding?

The thing about modest dress is that it starts with modesty. Merriam Webster defines modesty as 1: freedom of conceit or vanity and 2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct. It's interesting to note that what defines propriety, appropriateness or decency, is not universal. What is appropriate for one culture or group can be totally indecent to another. It would be impossible and counterproductive to my purpose to explore every possible aspect of what is modest in the scope of this blog, especially given my background in anthropology, so I'm going to give it my own definition. I'm going to say modesty is that factor of humbleness, of not drawing attention to oneself and, in the context of clothing, it is dressing in an unexposed, unassuming, and simple manner. That actually covers quite a lot (no pun intended, but I'm not going to revise it!), and at the end of writing this, I may completely disagree with my own definition. Peachy!

I want to include plain in my own definition, but that's not always the case in modest dress. I've seen some women in hijabs that were truly beautiful patterns. I remember a stunning one that was black with large bright roses, and one woman wearing a loose pant style in a lovely shade of lavender. That's not plain to me. Plain dress and modest dress do sometimes go together, but not always. I might touch on plain as well, though, where it's relevant.

I would begin by asking you to think of any and every culture, to include a religious community as a culture, that comes to mind that involves some form of modest dress. Islam is probably the first, or Amish, Mennonite, maybe Quaker, Judaism has some, and some other denominations of Christianity as well (of which Amish, Mennonite, and Quaker are).

Some of them, like the Amish - a denomination of Mennonites, have such precise rules on the matter that it not only serves to set standards for modesty but also identifies them as part of a distinct group. Interestingly, these rules, part of the Ordnung that also dictates all aspects of Amish life, vary from community to community. So one group might wear all black and one might allow colors or patterns in their dress. Mennonite communities also follow an Ordnung that could include rules for plain dress or allow their members to be as indistinguishable from any Joe Public they meet on the street. Plain dress among Quakers seems to be like this as well. Among the Christian groups, it seems pretty common that the rules of modest dress are individual to specific communities. I never felt that the Catholic faith I was raised in had any kind of strict requirement on how I dress, but my aunt and uncle are both modest dressers and I've seen them sometimes get stopped on the street by a random person asking if they were missionaries.

Christian guidelines for modest dress mostly come from 1 Timothy 2:9 "And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes." (New Living Translation) This is pretty liberal in the requirements, though guidelines for what is considered appropriate are found in other areas of the Bible.

The basis of tzniut in Jewish traditions is to dress in a way that does not attract attention. Halakha includes some other more specific rules about things, like how much skin should be exposed, from the Bible, Talmud, and rabbinic law sources. Halakha has largely been open to interpretation, so you can easily find Jewish groups who never expose ankles or collarbones and groups who do. Tzniut specifically states that a married woman must cover her hair. Snoods and tichels, a favorite among pagans, are common for this - some rabbis will even allow wigs for this purpose. The practice of veiling for married Jewish women is mostly observed in synagogue, with some covering whenever out side the home as well. Interestingly enough, the practice of wearing a kippah for men seems to be extremely common, relatively speaking. I can't say how many Jewish people I run into on a day to day, but I have certainly seen more men in kippahs than I have seen women in tichels.

The Qur'an includes rules on modest dress for both men and women. The word hijab is used as a name for the veil that covers the hair and neck as well as the practice of wearing such a veil, though the Qur'an does not use that term in that way. The Qur'an states, "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed." (in one translation) Even this is open to interpretation among Muslim communities. Some leaders will say that exposing the face and hands is appropriate where others may say it is not. Some follow guidelines relative to the society they are in, for example seeing a woman in a full burqa in the United States is fairly uncommon. It would draw more attention to them and the entire purpose of modest dress is to not draw attention. It's kind of a catch 22 in the Western world, though, because veiling in general is so misunderstood.

Part of the misunderstanding, and thus the controversy, is that the majority of women who wear a hijab outside of places where it is required by law (like Iran and Saudi Arabia where the hijab is mandatory) do so because they choose it. Every single woman I spoke to when I started this research confirmed this. In contrast to the places where hijab is required, there are some where it is banned altogether. Muslims in those areas who choose to wear a hijab have been fighting for their right to do so. I remember a story fairly recently of a young girl who was fighting for her right to wear a hijab in France where it is banned in public schools. (It should be noted that it is not specifically a hijab that is banned in public schools in France, but any conspicuous religious symbol. This would include Christian veils and things like large cross jewelry as well.)

But now I think my train of thought is wandering a bit. The politics of allowing veils or not is not what I want to talk about, at least not at this time.

The main point here is that these "rules" for modest dress are open to interpretation across the board, and what rules a member must adhere to depends on the decisions of the leaders of the community they are in. They are not simply a means of female oppression, though how they are interpreted can lead to that. The basis of most of these rules is to set followers, both men and women, apart from those who do not believe that way. The stricter rules for women almost always state that it is for their protection; that men are uncontrollable creatures and the best way to protect women from their unwanted advances is to remove themselves from the gaze of men.

Yes, an argument can be made here that these rules are interpreted by leaders who are men and are written by men in patriarchal societies where women are more often than not treated as property. But if you really look into those societies, those origins, that may be true but being a woman was not without its privileges. Muhammad's wives were well revered among early Muslims, a lot of the laws pertaining to women's dress in the Qur'an apply only to them. The larger Islamic community following those laws is thus emulating the wives of the prophet; it is not unlike considering Catholic nuns to be brides of Jesus. The word hijab in the Qur'an originally meant a veil between men and Muhammad's wives when speaking to them, and it was the responsibility of the man to have that veil in place. Also, the laws usually allow a woman to be uncovered for her husband and male relatives. It could be further argued that the laws are in place to protect women of a certain group from outsiders - men who don't have the same restrictions on behavior because they are not part of the group who might be tempted to act improperly if they see too much of a woman. The rules are not, then, put in place to control women, but to spare them dealing with uncontrollable men.

What Does This Mean For Me?

The thing about modest dress is that it doesn't apply to pagans at all, at least not in these terms. A pagan does not need to be modest because women are shameful or because men are sinful. Pagan women, and men, are taught that bodies are beautiful and sacred, they should be honored and respected. In this article, the writer talks about modesty as an issue of self-respect. She states that she wants her daughter to know that she does not have "to show it off to attract the attention of a boy." In one of the comments, a gentleman states, "there's a big difference in clothing that reflects a healthy, innocent, casual, Pagan comfort with one's body and clothing that sexualizes the wearer." That's exactly it; a low-cut top might be considered immodest to some, but perfectly acceptable to a woman confident and comfortable with her body.

This blogger makes a distinction between being modest and being self-aware and responsible. Modesty among pagans is really about personal comfort and personal choice. The Charge of the Goddess indicates, "and ye shall be free from slavery; and as a sign that ye are truly free, ye shall be naked in your rites." I'm not a 'naked in my rites' kind of pagan. Many are, some are not. That's just not where my comfort lies. Part of being pagan means we have taken our spiritual journey into our own hands, and there are no hard and fast, across-the-board rules.

This article (it warns NSFW, though I didn't think it was so bad) goes so far as to say that pagan modesty is treating one's own body with respect and a lack of self-consciousness. She spoke of two well known priestesses in pagan circles as being modest not because of their long, flowy dresses but because "they own their bodies, they use their bodies, they respect them and they carry themselves with confidence and grace." "They own their bodies." I love this. Modesty, then is not about hiding from others, but about being in control of yourself.

I mentioned yesterday that I have been wearing long skirts as part of my work wardrobe for over a year. A couple months ago, I was stopped by a coworker in the hallway, I think it was on an 'ok to wear shorts' day but I was still in my regular skirt, who asked, "why do you wear those skirts all the time? They really hide your figure." Maybe that's the point, creep! And by the point, I don't mean I'm hiding my body because it is shameful or disgusting and shouldn't be seen by man or beast, but I am shielding myself from unwanted attention - especially in my work environment where even the comment about my figure is inappropriate. The way I dress means I am in control of who sees what parts of my body and when. There is no patriarchal head of my household standing over me saying I must do this because some obscure text says that flesh is obscene. I choose to present myself a certain way so I'm not judged on the curve of my hips or the shapeliness of my calves. What's wrong with that?