Sitting to Write

But write what?

I feel like I've been very silent on the goings on in my life of late.  But what is there to report, really?

My house, while still under contract (that same one from October) hasn't actually sold yet. This isn't news if you've been following my updates on Facebook. Our first closing date was November 15th, but my buyer took so long getting the inspection and appraisal done that the septic and well tests were delayed (because my Realtor said we weren't going to spend the money on them until we heard that the buyer was happy with the asking price when compared to the appraised price, because the buyer could have backed out after appraisal and I would still have to pay for those tests, get it?). So, settlement got moved back to November 27th. On November 22nd, I heard from my Realtor again who was very angry as she reported to me that we would not be going to settlement on the 27th and we wouldn't have been ready even if we had those tests done because there was some problem with the buyer's loan. Something about additional paperwork that wouldn't be ready until mid-December. We were assured that the loan would be ready by then, so the new tentative date would be December 13th. Unfortunately, I'm out of money to pay the mortgage now. Someone, and I know not who, mentioned renting my house to the buyer for December so her rent could pay my mortgage, but no one thought that was a good idea. On November 26th, I called my Realtor again and she reported that my buyer got a shiny new lender and this lender was on the ball and everything was ready to go: the only reason we weren't closing was because of the Thanksgiving holiday. I now have a new contract addendum that states settlement will be "on or before December 6."

The truth is, I'm so thoroughly stressed about this whole mess I can barely think of anything else right now. It's messing with my sleep. It's one of the reasons I'm not eating very well (more on that later). I'm putting on fake smiles when people ask how I'm doing. It's hard to get excited about anything. Now, everyone is in holiday mode and I'm just meh. I can't see over this hurdle. Mortgage, from the Old French: mort - dead; gage - pledge. Dead pledge. It surely feels like this pledge will be the death of me sometimes. Still, I've admitted that I'm swimming in a great big pool of stress over this, and I sometimes even answer with "not fine" instead of fake smiles when asked. That's got to be progress, right? Though, this particular stress is more numbing than anything. I'm not used to my body handling stress this way. I'm not sure it's an improvement over other ways my body tends to deal with stress.

Sure, there is a plan: sell my house, buy our house, plan our wedding. But everything moving forward from here starts with selling my house. Or otherwise detaching myself from that mortgage responsibility. Selling, of course, is ideal because it means some money in my pocket to put towards those other two points of the plan and saving my credit. But this is it. I'm out of money now. If it doesn't sell this month, foreclosure will commence.

Another reason I haven't been eating very well is because my oven blew up. Again, if you're following along on Facebook, you already know this. I was preheating the oven to roast a delicious pan of fresh vegetables when it started to growl (the oven), then to hiss, then to smoke, then there was a POP! and it spewed some sparks and more smoke. I turned it off, grabbed the fire extinguisher, then opened the thing to find a good three inch piece of the bottom element had burned off. This, for some unknown reason, took out the range too. The only thing that works is the broiler element, and that does not help us. I told Dav I couldn't handle the added stress of a non-functioning oven right now, and he said he'd deal with it and I didn't have to worry about it. That's great, but I do have to worry about how to cook decent meals without a working oven or stove. We bought a few microwave dinners and have been eating out a good deal. I've been trying to get things I can make cold or heat in the microwave so I can still cook, mostly. I'm hoping the toaster oven can roast some Brussels sprouts for us this week, but we'll see. And then holiday baking, which has been my gift of preference for several years, comes to a halt before I even get started. Dav replaced the burned element and it still didn't work. I'm still not sure if the landlord is going to service it or replace it, but she knows about it and I got the impression that a replacement will happen. But then, the blow up was almost exactly a month ago. My year to fit into my wedding dress is not off to a good start. I really am trying not to stress about it, I have enough stress around me right now.

Obviously, I haven't reopened my Etsy store yet like I said I was going to. Most of my yarn, like almost everything else in my life, is packed away in storage. And by storage, I mean Dav's mom's basement and in various rooms in my parents' house. Our family have said they are happy to help us, for which I am very grateful, but I don't like my crap being in their way like this.We just don't have the space for it all right now. So, reopening my store and trying to make some extra cash is just going to have to wait. I am yearning for my yarn, though. Yearning for yarn.

I'm kind of doom and gloom today, but it's really not all bad. My betrothed and I keep a pretty cozy and harmonious home, despite the fact that this one is temporary and so much is in this crazy state of transition. I'm still holding out hope that I'll be able to come back Friday evening at the latest and declare that big looming obstacle out of my way. Then we can sit down and work out what we can actually afford on a house and get the search started. It's not all bad. Really. No matter what happens, I'll get past it, and there's a small voice in my mind that every now and then gets a little louder and reminds me that things usually do work out for the best. It's hard to listen to it right now, but I know it's there. Just waiting for the inevitable "I told you so."