Thursday, March 10, 2016

A Profane Mom Rant

There seems to be some kind of silly one-up game among moms about who was more bad-ass while giving birth. The consistency that I've found in scoring seems to be thus: Some kind of crazy happening like in the car on the way to the hospital or 'went to the bathroom and out he came' is the gold medal, vaginal with no drugs is the silver medal, vaginal with drugs is the bronze medal, and the c-sections get the participation trophy- there's a slightly bigger trophy if your c-section was an emergency rather than scheduled.

But the truth is, we're all moms. We all went through the joy and fear of pregnancy. We all had nine months, and sometimes terrifyingly less, to dream about our perfect birth experiences. We all had that moment when we knew it was coming that filled us with fear or elation or excitement or dread or confidence or all of these things and more.

And we all had the aftermath. Beyond the myriad of feelings that go with having a new person who depends entirely on you: the sleep deprivation, the healing that could take weeks or months, scars, stretch marks, new bulges, waiting for your uterus to go back to normal. Maybe you feel guilty for being concerned about those things when you should be concerned for your baby, maybe you feel guilty for not caring about those things. Maybe you bounced back in no time at all, maybe you fight to lose that baby weight for years. Whatever happens to you, your body is changed forever.

Moms, you did something fucking amazing. It's not about how it happened, it is about that it happened. Maybe you didn't choose it, maybe you carefully planned it, maybe you spent a whole lot of money to get it. None of those hows make you more or less of a mom than any other mom. That new life is still a miracle, the fact that your body did that is one great big marvel.

And, while I'm talking about it, maybe your body didn't do that at all. Maybe you had to find someone who, for whatever reason wouldn't couldn't didn't keep their baby so you claimed him as your own. You get to go through all the things that any mom gets to go through - the worries and fears and excitements - with the added bonus of an extra little circumstance that may set him apart from many of his peers. Moms, you did something fucking amazing.

Whether you took a breath and there was baby, pushed through the pain like the earliest humans, took advantage of modern medicine, lied on a cold operating table numb from the waist down, or waited by the phone for that "you've been approved" phone call, you are a rock star and a super hero. We all get to take the trophy home in the end.

And if something went wrong during any part of this journey and you didn't get to bundle up your little miracle and take him home, I want you, moms, to know that you are the strongest of all of us.

1 comment :

Yseult said...

YAAAASSSS! All of these things!!