Did This Happen to my Parents

I've noticed children, people in general, really, tend to get very attached to certain things. These things may be a toy, a movie, a book, something like that. And why not? When you're young, those things are your world, and you only keep things in your world that you adore.

As we get older, we leave those things behind. Maybe something happens to them, like they break or something. And then, years later, we might remember it and go searching for it, or we might just randomly come across it somewhere. Then, we work to own it again and are filled with childlike joy at having it, and all the memories that it induces.

When my brother and I were young, my parents had a subscription to National Geographic World. It was the National Geographic for kids. Simple, right? Each issue had some kind of nifty pull-out, a map or a poster or something. I remember one that was a beautiful unicorn painting, and on the back had drawings and information about other creatures that never were. I loved that poster, and I had it hanging on my wall for years. I remember taking it down to paint my room, and my cat, Nick, who had a paper fetish, destroyed it. It was gone. I was sad.

Years later, something reminded me of that poster and I went searching. I was able to find that it came with the December 1986 issue, but National Geographic didn't have any of those back issues in stock anymore. I tried the Want it Now feature on eBay, but people kept wanting to sell me the December 1986 National Geographic (not National Geographic World, a different publication). For long stretches of time, I would give up looking, then search again only to come up nil again.

Just a couple weeks ago, LDS mentioned a book she was looking for but couldn't find. I told her I can find anything and found her book. I also had another inkling to search for this magazine and poster again. This time, I found it at a wonderful little site called Pastpaper.com. Within a week, it was ordered and handful of days after that, it arrived.

I must admit that I made a funny, cute little squee when I gently opened the magazine and saw the poster folded neatly inside. I was glad no one was home! I know I was handling it like it would fall apart if I sneezed. It is almost 25 years old, after all. Now, I need a frame. No, I need a frame NOW!!

Anyway, looking at that poster, and remembering how very fond I was of it also reminded me of something else. The nifty dragons on the back of the poster always reminded me of the Flight of Dragons. This was an animated film based off of a couple books and released in 1982. I found a re-release on VHS that I bought for my brother about a dozen years ago. There has never been a DVD release. Seriously! They can put the Last Unicorn on DVD but not Flight of Dragons?! What's up with this!?! I don't have a VHS player anymore! Gah!!

I did find a site that might have a bootlegged, recorded from video, DVD. I'm taking a chance with it and seeing how it is.

Maybe it's my impending birthday that's making me want to reconnect with all these cool things I had when I was growing up. I think if I had kids of my own, the pull would be stronger. Though, I do want my godsons to be able to love what my brother and I so dearly loved. I wonder if my parents did this too.

Did You Look

I've been getting a lot of campaign mail lately. From people running for county council in a county and district where I do not live.

I wrote to one of them, expressing my displeasure at receiving multiple mailing from their office when it should be very clear to anyone with functioning eyes that I don't even live in that state. The reply was "oh, the board of education has you listed here." Really? But that's not the address that's printed on the envelope and inside the letter, now is it? If they've got a Maryland address for me, why oh why is my Virginia address getting printed on the letters?

I must say, I'm sure glad I don't live in that district where the representatives are so eager to completely waste their funds on someone who is not even in the right state.

Proof that politicians and their aids are stupid.

Out of Context

When I see you it reminds me of my single life, how free it was then!

The grass is always greener on the other side, my friend. Maybe someone will always want what you have, even if the time for getting, or keeping, it is long past.

1 thing I love you best is always so positive.

It’s getting too late for that. But it’s ok. It means my life is what I make it. That’s good enough for me. Many never get that chance.

I just have something against trying to pay for retirement and college at the same time. If it doesn’t happen soon, it won’t happen.

I don’t think there’s any one or thing to blame. We all struggle through this life because the next is unknown. We have faith about it, but no way of knowing.

I don’t watch the news. If I listen to it at all it’s because I’m waiting for the traffic and/or weather reports. I can’t take it otherwise, it makes me cry. Even the happy stories. It’s too much for me.

Only tell me things I need to know!
Most of it, my day-to-day won’t change with or without those reports. When it will, that’s when I need to know.

I hear you.

Nice that someone does.

Life Gets in the Way

Of computer time, that is. We're perfectly happy with this.

I've been doing a lot of bike-riding, and working on the commissions I have lined up, and re-organizing of my room. And I’ve become more active in the ministry, planning for our next holiday. So much to do, so little time to spend blogging.

Burried in Yarn

Remember on Friday I mentioned that one of my coworkers asked for a massive commission? Five each of Piggies and Gnomes and some needle felted shrooms. And someone else asked for a cape to keep her Gnome friend snuggly in the approaching cooler months and a little travel basket so he can accompany her in style.

I'm working on everything! Really!

The parts of the last few days that weren't filled with a meeting, a movie, and a visit with Monty have been filled with yarn.

I made time to squeeze in a project of my own too. I had to. I left work early on Thursday because I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, and I could barely see through my tears. I fought heaving sobs all the way to the store, where I bought the things the doctor wanted me to take. I then proceeded to fight that gripping terror all the way home, trying very hard to ignore the "I would rather die than deal with this" thoughts that went through my mind the whole way.

A phobia is defined as an exaggerated and illogical fear of something. It doesn't really help to be phobic about something, even know it's completely irrational, when it's something you have to do. As Monty put it on Sunday "if I don't take my meds, I go crazy. If you don't, you die." Being inexplicably terrified at the thought of taking pills makes this a very difficult thing to do. Whether the levels of those substances in my body are actually low enough to cause death should I let them go remains to be seen, but it's a variable no one really wants to explore.

But I know that it's there, and that's a start. I decided to make myself a Happy Pill. His name is Phil, the Pill. I used my favorite color of purple and gave him a big smile. Phil is going to help me stay on top of all these pills. I put everything I need for the day in a pill case the night before. I take some immediately upon rising in the morning, and bring the rest with me to work where I'll take them after eating something. Phil sits on top of my alarm clock, blocking the view and the buttons. I can't turn the alarm on until I move him, and I can't move him until I've put the pills for the following day in the case. In the morning, when I take the first two, Phil goes back on the clock so I have to move him again in the evening when I get my pills ready.

Sound good?

It's working, but then again it's only been a few days. I'm still pretty certain I'll start making up excuses to stop taking them in a month or so. That's how it always seems to work. Or, I'll miss a day by accident and just give up from there. I know how I am. I've always done this. I'm hoping this time, Phil will help me see it through for the four or five months that the doc wanted me to take them. Then I can get tested again and she'll say everything's fine and I won't need to take so many anymore. That's the goal. I'm trying. I'm really trying. Maybe I'll get a picture of Phil for you sometime later.

We'll call this therapeutic amigurumi.

Pick Me Up

You might remember last year when I entered a fan art contest for this awesome webcomic, the Dreamer. I entered again this year.

Wouldn't you know, I won! Yay! What fun!

I love fan art. Seeing how different people express their love for something in so many different ways. Everyone had such wonderful art!

It was the pick up I needed. After yesterday's panic attack over vitamins, I was just feeling miserable. Shaky, weary, heart racing, just wanting the day to be over so I could get home and sleep. Then I saw that, and the shakes and the pounding pulse went away. The work day ended with one of my coworkers placing a massive commission.

It really is the little things.

There's a Word for It

It's called pharmacophobia, and it is far more incapacitating than gephyrophobia and nosocomephobia, both of which I have admitted to before. On an unbelievably monumental scale. Makes the other two seem like casual observances.

The final count is seven.

I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Harry Potter #6

My parents and I went to the dentist today. I didn't change doctors when I moved because I've been going to this one for years and it's not that problematic to take a day off for the good ole dentist every six months. By chance, it was also the day that the new Harry Potter movie opened.

It was good. I feel like it wasn't as action-centered as some of the other films (though the parts where there was action were very well done). But it was good. A satisfactory chapter in the cinema tale.

I don't seem to have the mind to say everything I really wanted to say about it. Maybe it's just bedtime.

I Really Tried

My dislike of doctors was temporarily lifted, but it's back in full now. I know not all doctors are created equal, but why am I plagued with the ones who don't listen to me? Their shiny, expensive education does not give them leave to ignore my concerns. At. All.

The reason for going in the first place was because there is a mass on the back of my neck. It's under the skin, very solid, and quite painful. It appeared almost five weeks ago, the first morning of the kayaking trip after I spent the evening being eaten alive by mosquitoes and flies. This made me believe that the painful lump was just an upset lymph node. In my experience, they go away in a few days and don't hurt like this one. My nurse-to-be roommate thought it may be a cyst. There is another just above it, but this one is behaving like a lymph node should, swelling up and going away as it does its thing without pain. It was almost four weeks since it showed up that I went to the doctor. She liked the lymph node theory and so ordered blood tests (to see if there's anything there that will tell me of an infection) and an ultrasound (to find out what the lump is actually made of).

The ultrasound indicated a plain old lymph node. The technician called in the on-site doctor during my scan who sounded very perplexed when I affirmed that I was not feeling unwell and had not had any recent cold or illnesses of any kind. She kept asking, as if the third or fourth time would yield a different answer from me. Blood work came back with nothing on pinpointing a cause of an overzealous lymph node. I've been ordered to wait and see how it is when six weeks from its appearance have gone by. If it hasn't changed, they'll do more tests.

Have you ever stayed at a hotel with a rock-hard bed and even harder pillow, and woken up feeling like someone breaking your neck would feel better than the soreness in your muscles? That's the kind of pain I've been in for four weeks and change. And I have to deal with for two more. Joy.

But, that's not even half of the issue.

The blood tests came back showing that I am anemic. This, they say, is related to a suspected iron deficiency and have ordered more test, which may result in the need to take an iron supplement of some sort. They also found that I am deficient in vitamin D, and said I need to take a prescription and over the counter supplement to correct that.

Now, when I spoke to the doctor a week ago, one of the first things I told her was that I am awful at taking pills. I don't even take a multivitamin. I'd sooner reach for a cold washcloth and take a nap when I have a headache than a bottle of painkillers. I really detest taking pills and do so only as a last resort. She told me then that I really should be taking a multi, and since I don't drink milk (intolerance, not choice) I should have a calcium supplement as well. I can almost guarantee that I'll be on this bandwagon for about a month. Then, I'll stop taking them again. So, with this knowledge in mind, the only thing she can recommend is more pills? So, now I go from taking none, to needing five or more? What the hell is this shit about?!

I didn't actually talk to the doctor about my tests and the recommendations from there, I only spoke with the nurse. I called her back and told her I needed alternatives to all these drugs. The response I got was "this is what we do in a case like this." If I were a case, that would be a fine argument, but since I am a person, they can tell me I need pills without offering alternatives all they want.

See, I know there are alternatives. If I'm iron deficient, I should eat more beef. If I'm vitamin D deficient, I can spend some more time in the sun. There is nothing that is wrong that can't be corrected by simple, natural changes. I'll even concede taking a multi and calcium supplement (for now), but the other things have other options and I'm not just going to start choking on pills until they've been attempted.

On the bright side, I'm not diabetic and my blood pressure and cholesterol are in pretty good places. Still, the initial reason for going to a doctor has to wait and I am not going to have unnecessary pills shoved down my throat.

Getting Back

I've had a lot of obstacles to my regular exercise routine over the past month or so. I sprained my ankle, then went on vacation, then rested from vacation, then hurt my other ankle (this one was a completely mysterious injury). I have to get back to it somehow.

I'm going to pick up some free weights at the store today. I love my elliptical and still plan to do an hour a day where I can, but I want to target some muscle groups that the elliptical doesn't work as well as I'd like. I also plan to finally bring my bike. LDS has one too and we might be able to make use of them at some point.

I have a plan. It's always good to have a plan.