Wednesday, June 07, 2006


I've talked about the little group of ladies that I normally have lunch with, right? I came to a realization yesterday.

Usually, our lunch consists of 3 to 6 people (including myself). The smaller the group, the better time I seem to have. I think that's because the table is very small, there is no such thing as a side conversation. Whatever one person wants to talk about will be the conversation for everyone. And some people are conversation dominators who like to fill their stories with a lot of irrelevant information and never let anyone make a comment on content.

Not getting a word in edgewise aside, I've started to realize that this little lunch group is just something to distract me from getting any of my side work done. I don't really contribute to the conversations, in fact I really don't relate to most of them at all. My work situation is mostly favorable, so I don't like hearing people complaining about theirs (it brings me down too, and I don't want to be there. That's reasonable, I think). Despite the talking to we've had in the past, people will still complain about work. Sometimes the conversation goes to houses and apartments. I still live with my parents, other then stating that I can't afford to live on my own because it's too expensive, I have nothing to contribute when the discussion goes that way. Only one other person in the group is without a significant other, so people talking about their husbands/fianc├ęs gets a little annoying. It's kind of like a big spotlight on me with a voice screaming "Airyn has no one, hahaha!" Ok, I know that's not really what they mean, but it's hard not to feel that way. Absolutely every time I'm out doing all the things I like to do, I'm with at least one married (or soon to be) person. Maybe part of the annoyance here is not that I can't relate to them, but that they also can't relate to me. They already have their someone, so all they really have left to do is laugh at my copy of Online Dating for Dummies.

The way I've been feeling lately is probably not from the lunch group, honestly. I like those ladies quite a bit. The fact of the matter is I'm not getting any younger and I'm never in a situation to meet anyone, so any hope I ever had of a family of my own is fast running away. (And all you people who want to say 'you're still young' need to get bent. I'm 26 years old, people my age and younger are already married or will be soon, and I haven't had even a boyfriend since 1999. With no prospects now, time isn't going to stop while I look for one.) I'm really ok with that, except that my one income is not enough to sustain me. I do have a friend who might be able to help me figure out how much house I can afford and then figure out where such houses are. Granted, it probably wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my refusal to rent. I just can't justify spending all that money and having nothing. Some people can do it, and that's great for them, but I just can't.

I'm going to stop there. This little ranting session was brought to you by a down moment. I really am a generally happy person. Really.

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