Did This Happen to my Parents

I've noticed children, people in general, really, tend to get very attached to certain things. These things may be a toy, a movie, a book, something like that. And why not? When you're young, those things are your world, and you only keep things in your world that you adore.

As we get older, we leave those things behind. Maybe something happens to them, like they break or something. And then, years later, we might remember it and go searching for it, or we might just randomly come across it somewhere. Then, we work to own it again and are filled with childlike joy at having it, and all the memories that it induces.

When my brother and I were young, my parents had a subscription to National Geographic World. It was the National Geographic for kids. Simple, right? Each issue had some kind of nifty pull-out, a map or a poster or something. I remember one that was a beautiful unicorn painting, and on the back had drawings and information about other creatures that never were. I loved that poster, and I had it hanging on my wall for years. I remember taking it down to paint my room, and my cat, Nick, who had a paper fetish, destroyed it. It was gone. I was sad.

Years later, something reminded me of that poster and I went searching. I was able to find that it came with the December 1986 issue, but National Geographic didn't have any of those back issues in stock anymore. I tried the Want it Now feature on eBay, but people kept wanting to sell me the December 1986 National Geographic (not National Geographic World, a different publication). For long stretches of time, I would give up looking, then search again only to come up nil again.

Just a couple weeks ago, LDS mentioned a book she was looking for but couldn't find. I told her I can find anything and found her book. I also had another inkling to search for this magazine and poster again. This time, I found it at a wonderful little site called Pastpaper.com. Within a week, it was ordered and handful of days after that, it arrived.

I must admit that I made a funny, cute little squee when I gently opened the magazine and saw the poster folded neatly inside. I was glad no one was home! I know I was handling it like it would fall apart if I sneezed. It is almost 25 years old, after all. Now, I need a frame. No, I need a frame NOW!!

Anyway, looking at that poster, and remembering how very fond I was of it also reminded me of something else. The nifty dragons on the back of the poster always reminded me of the Flight of Dragons. This was an animated film based off of a couple books and released in 1982. I found a re-release on VHS that I bought for my brother about a dozen years ago. There has never been a DVD release. Seriously! They can put the Last Unicorn on DVD but not Flight of Dragons?! What's up with this!?! I don't have a VHS player anymore! Gah!!

I did find a site that might have a bootlegged, recorded from video, DVD. I'm taking a chance with it and seeing how it is.

Maybe it's my impending birthday that's making me want to reconnect with all these cool things I had when I was growing up. I think if I had kids of my own, the pull would be stronger. Though, I do want my godsons to be able to love what my brother and I so dearly loved. I wonder if my parents did this too.

Did You Look

I've been getting a lot of campaign mail lately. From people running for county council in a county and district where I do not live.

I wrote to one of them, expressing my displeasure at receiving multiple mailing from their office when it should be very clear to anyone with functioning eyes that I don't even live in that state. The reply was "oh, the board of education has you listed here." Really? But that's not the address that's printed on the envelope and inside the letter, now is it? If they've got a Maryland address for me, why oh why is my Virginia address getting printed on the letters?

I must say, I'm sure glad I don't live in that district where the representatives are so eager to completely waste their funds on someone who is not even in the right state.

Proof that politicians and their aids are stupid.

Out of Context

When I see you it reminds me of my single life, how free it was then!

The grass is always greener on the other side, my friend. Maybe someone will always want what you have, even if the time for getting, or keeping, it is long past.

1 thing I love you best is always so positive.

It’s getting too late for that. But it’s ok. It means my life is what I make it. That’s good enough for me. Many never get that chance.

I just have something against trying to pay for retirement and college at the same time. If it doesn’t happen soon, it won’t happen.

I don’t think there’s any one or thing to blame. We all struggle through this life because the next is unknown. We have faith about it, but no way of knowing.

I don’t watch the news. If I listen to it at all it’s because I’m waiting for the traffic and/or weather reports. I can’t take it otherwise, it makes me cry. Even the happy stories. It’s too much for me.

Only tell me things I need to know!
Most of it, my day-to-day won’t change with or without those reports. When it will, that’s when I need to know.

I hear you.

Nice that someone does.

Life Gets in the Way

Of computer time, that is. We're perfectly happy with this.

I've been doing a lot of bike-riding, and working on the commissions I have lined up, and re-organizing of my room. And I’ve become more active in the ministry, planning for our next holiday. So much to do, so little time to spend blogging.

Burried in Yarn

Remember on Friday I mentioned that one of my coworkers asked for a massive commission? Five each of Piggies and Gnomes and some needle felted shrooms. And someone else asked for a cape to keep her Gnome friend snuggly in the approaching cooler months and a little travel basket so he can accompany her in style.

I'm working on everything! Really!

The parts of the last few days that weren't filled with a meeting, a movie, and a visit with Monty have been filled with yarn.

I made time to squeeze in a project of my own too. I had to. I left work early on Thursday because I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing, and I could barely see through my tears. I fought heaving sobs all the way to the store, where I bought the things the doctor wanted me to take. I then proceeded to fight that gripping terror all the way home, trying very hard to ignore the "I would rather die than deal with this" thoughts that went through my mind the whole way.

A phobia is defined as an exaggerated and illogical fear of something. It doesn't really help to be phobic about something, even know it's completely irrational, when it's something you have to do. As Monty put it on Sunday "if I don't take my meds, I go crazy. If you don't, you die." Being inexplicably terrified at the thought of taking pills makes this a very difficult thing to do. Whether the levels of those substances in my body are actually low enough to cause death should I let them go remains to be seen, but it's a variable no one really wants to explore.

But I know that it's there, and that's a start. I decided to make myself a Happy Pill. His name is Phil, the Pill. I used my favorite color of purple and gave him a big smile. Phil is going to help me stay on top of all these pills. I put everything I need for the day in a pill case the night before. I take some immediately upon rising in the morning, and bring the rest with me to work where I'll take them after eating something. Phil sits on top of my alarm clock, blocking the view and the buttons. I can't turn the alarm on until I move him, and I can't move him until I've put the pills for the following day in the case. In the morning, when I take the first two, Phil goes back on the clock so I have to move him again in the evening when I get my pills ready.

Sound good?

It's working, but then again it's only been a few days. I'm still pretty certain I'll start making up excuses to stop taking them in a month or so. That's how it always seems to work. Or, I'll miss a day by accident and just give up from there. I know how I am. I've always done this. I'm hoping this time, Phil will help me see it through for the four or five months that the doc wanted me to take them. Then I can get tested again and she'll say everything's fine and I won't need to take so many anymore. That's the goal. I'm trying. I'm really trying. Maybe I'll get a picture of Phil for you sometime later.

We'll call this therapeutic amigurumi.

Pick Me Up

You might remember last year when I entered a fan art contest for this awesome webcomic, the Dreamer. I entered again this year.

Wouldn't you know, I won! Yay! What fun!

I love fan art. Seeing how different people express their love for something in so many different ways. Everyone had such wonderful art!

It was the pick up I needed. After yesterday's panic attack over vitamins, I was just feeling miserable. Shaky, weary, heart racing, just wanting the day to be over so I could get home and sleep. Then I saw that, and the shakes and the pounding pulse went away. The work day ended with one of my coworkers placing a massive commission.

It really is the little things.

There's a Word for It

It's called pharmacophobia, and it is far more incapacitating than gephyrophobia and nosocomephobia, both of which I have admitted to before. On an unbelievably monumental scale. Makes the other two seem like casual observances.

The final count is seven.

I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Harry Potter #6

My parents and I went to the dentist today. I didn't change doctors when I moved because I've been going to this one for years and it's not that problematic to take a day off for the good ole dentist every six months. By chance, it was also the day that the new Harry Potter movie opened.

It was good. I feel like it wasn't as action-centered as some of the other films (though the parts where there was action were very well done). But it was good. A satisfactory chapter in the cinema tale.

I don't seem to have the mind to say everything I really wanted to say about it. Maybe it's just bedtime.

I Really Tried

My dislike of doctors was temporarily lifted, but it's back in full now. I know not all doctors are created equal, but why am I plagued with the ones who don't listen to me? Their shiny, expensive education does not give them leave to ignore my concerns. At. All.

The reason for going in the first place was because there is a mass on the back of my neck. It's under the skin, very solid, and quite painful. It appeared almost five weeks ago, the first morning of the kayaking trip after I spent the evening being eaten alive by mosquitoes and flies. This made me believe that the painful lump was just an upset lymph node. In my experience, they go away in a few days and don't hurt like this one. My nurse-to-be roommate thought it may be a cyst. There is another just above it, but this one is behaving like a lymph node should, swelling up and going away as it does its thing without pain. It was almost four weeks since it showed up that I went to the doctor. She liked the lymph node theory and so ordered blood tests (to see if there's anything there that will tell me of an infection) and an ultrasound (to find out what the lump is actually made of).

The ultrasound indicated a plain old lymph node. The technician called in the on-site doctor during my scan who sounded very perplexed when I affirmed that I was not feeling unwell and had not had any recent cold or illnesses of any kind. She kept asking, as if the third or fourth time would yield a different answer from me. Blood work came back with nothing on pinpointing a cause of an overzealous lymph node. I've been ordered to wait and see how it is when six weeks from its appearance have gone by. If it hasn't changed, they'll do more tests.

Have you ever stayed at a hotel with a rock-hard bed and even harder pillow, and woken up feeling like someone breaking your neck would feel better than the soreness in your muscles? That's the kind of pain I've been in for four weeks and change. And I have to deal with for two more. Joy.

But, that's not even half of the issue.

The blood tests came back showing that I am anemic. This, they say, is related to a suspected iron deficiency and have ordered more test, which may result in the need to take an iron supplement of some sort. They also found that I am deficient in vitamin D, and said I need to take a prescription and over the counter supplement to correct that.

Now, when I spoke to the doctor a week ago, one of the first things I told her was that I am awful at taking pills. I don't even take a multivitamin. I'd sooner reach for a cold washcloth and take a nap when I have a headache than a bottle of painkillers. I really detest taking pills and do so only as a last resort. She told me then that I really should be taking a multi, and since I don't drink milk (intolerance, not choice) I should have a calcium supplement as well. I can almost guarantee that I'll be on this bandwagon for about a month. Then, I'll stop taking them again. So, with this knowledge in mind, the only thing she can recommend is more pills? So, now I go from taking none, to needing five or more? What the hell is this shit about?!

I didn't actually talk to the doctor about my tests and the recommendations from there, I only spoke with the nurse. I called her back and told her I needed alternatives to all these drugs. The response I got was "this is what we do in a case like this." If I were a case, that would be a fine argument, but since I am a person, they can tell me I need pills without offering alternatives all they want.

See, I know there are alternatives. If I'm iron deficient, I should eat more beef. If I'm vitamin D deficient, I can spend some more time in the sun. There is nothing that is wrong that can't be corrected by simple, natural changes. I'll even concede taking a multi and calcium supplement (for now), but the other things have other options and I'm not just going to start choking on pills until they've been attempted.

On the bright side, I'm not diabetic and my blood pressure and cholesterol are in pretty good places. Still, the initial reason for going to a doctor has to wait and I am not going to have unnecessary pills shoved down my throat.

Getting Back

I've had a lot of obstacles to my regular exercise routine over the past month or so. I sprained my ankle, then went on vacation, then rested from vacation, then hurt my other ankle (this one was a completely mysterious injury). I have to get back to it somehow.

I'm going to pick up some free weights at the store today. I love my elliptical and still plan to do an hour a day where I can, but I want to target some muscle groups that the elliptical doesn't work as well as I'd like. I also plan to finally bring my bike. LDS has one too and we might be able to make use of them at some point.

I have a plan. It's always good to have a plan.

Should Be Cleaning

Actually, with all these shipping supplies around, I really need to do some organizing. I wasn't feeling it today, though. So I decided to watch some TV shows and play some video games instead.

I know the urge to get things in order will happen eventually.

Miss

Somehow, I just noticed that I haven't written anything the past two days. Ah, well! Thursday, I spent then evening with some friends, and yesterday, I had those doctor-ordered tests done. The doc did try to call me in the evening, but I missed it. I guess I'll hear from her Monday.

Today is Gnome's first birthday party. I can't believe it's been nearly a year already. The gift I ordered for him hasn't arrived yet, but I'm sure I can take an evening to visit and bring it by when I get it. I'm heading out in a minute. Yay party!

Testing

I went to the doctor today. Yes, yes, I willingly went to a doctor! Those of you who know me know I don't do that unless something is wrong. And, to be quite honest, I'm trying to be better about that. Preventative care is 100% covered by my insurance, after all.

But yes, I tend to not go unless something is wrong. Something is wrong. It could be nothing. It could be really bad. I'm not of the mind to elaborate right now. The doctor wants to do some testing.

So, I went to this center under the glowing recommendation of LDS, who likes going to doctors just about as much as I do. I got a very good feeling from this place. The doctor was kind, attentive, and pretty easy going. I feel like I made a good choice. Not only to get problems taken care of before they become real problems, but to start taking a more active role in my own healthcare. I definitely think preventative medicine has it's merits, with all the things that plague us. The fact that I found a facility where I was comfortable, and comfortable talking to the doctor about my concerns, is momentous.

Full Moon - the Moon of Athena

Athena, one of the most celebrated goddesses of the Greek pantheon, rules over this Esbat.

Athena is celebrated as a ferocious goddess who defends her home and the laws of civilized life. As a goddess of war, this makes her very different from the god of war, Ares, who is more about offense than defense.

She prizes the arts and the word of law and justice. The owl is a sacred being to her. Her energies over this moon make it a perfect time for spells involving furthering knowledge or skill, and is a good time for asking of her guidance, if you have need of it.

I used this Esbat to meditate and to pray. I have been having some health issues lately and needed some guidance from wisdom greater than my own. It was a calming exercise that quieted many of my fears. It also called to mind the experience I had at Litha on the water, with the beautiful owls hooting above.

I've never felt any particular affinity for Athena or owls, but I do recognize her influence in my life when there is need to do so. I hope this Esbat found you at a place of calm as well.

Vampires

OBC had a blood drive today. I signed up weeks ago. I like giving blood, and I think I found a trick that makes it rather quick. (It's simple: drink lots of water!)

I was feeling fine. I went to the grocery store. I was starving. I ate a bag of chips and some cookies on the way home. I brought in my groceries and put them away. I lay on my bed. I got up to put my broach away. I lay back down. I guess I didn't eat or drink enough after all, because I stayed on the bed for some time before I could stand up and not black out. It's all good now. Dinner will happen momentarily (as soon as I can pick a movie to watch!).

LDS had an appointment to donate blood today too. For some reason (stress is my guess), her pulse was too fast and they wanted it to slow before they took her blood. She sat around for an hour or so. It didn't work. She ended up being turned away. I thought I would tease her for it, but ended up absconding with a pack of Oreo's for her attempt.

While I was in the chair, blood pumping from my arm into the plastic tubing, there were two technicians doing things around me. One was restocking supplies, the other was setting up another donation. They both were watching the bag of my blood like vampires! I mean, really, you'd think they could look at a bag and guess how fast it's filling and be able to judge the progress so that it required less frequent glancing in my blood's direction. It was almost every three seconds that one of them would look over at the deep red liquid in the little bag.

Of course, I understand that it would get full and then I would be done. Still, it was funny the way they hovered over.

To Eat

I guess, now that I'm really back from my vacation and won't have a weekend away for a while, that it's time to get some groceries.

Might be useful. I'll have to go tomorrow, though, so I can make a list at home today. Never shop without a list!

The Best Plans

Somehow, we forgot that we had planned to kayak to Annapolis on Saturday night and watch the fireworks from the water. In our defense, we had this idea a year ago, and Fox and Fae no longer live where there is easy access to Annapolis (though, it's not impossible to put in somewhere else). And then there's that little thing about Fox having to work.

Instead, we planned to kayak on Sunday. Fox called a bunch of people to join us, since it was our regular brunch day anyway. In the end, there were eight of us, the largest group we've ever had for a casual paddle.

We launched from Queen Anne and headed down river to Hill's Bridge. It was about half of the same route my dad and I would have taken on the first day of the sojourn trip, if it were not for the flooding. It took about three hours over about five miles of river. Next, we're thinking we might want to try launching from Hill's Bridge and heading down to Mt Calvert (the rest of the sojourn route) or further to Jug Bay, which might be an easier landing. That should be fun.

It was a perfect day to be out. The humidity was down and the sun was hiding behind some clouds. There was a tiny bit of rain, but nothing we couldn't paddle in. It was like a mini sojourn. Great fun! Kudos to Fox for the planning of it. I had a blast, and it seemed that everyone else did too.

Dawn's Early Light

The sun rose on this day, like it did yesterday and will tomorrow. But this day is special.

This is the day to be thankful for the fortune to live in such a great nation. Even when things go wrong, we are blessed. We enjoy things, freedoms, that so many others can't imagine.

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Keep Going

I have another busy weekend in store. It starts tonight and goes through Sunday.

Hurray for having a social life!! I have known many people without such a thing. Living the way I do now, it sometimes makes me sad for them. I think that's another topic altogether.

What Are You Having

I'm having one of those days. One of those weeks, really. Go away for a bit, and being back becomes a pain and a half. So much to do. So much I've voluntarily added to my plate. I know, one thing at a time. But other things make other plans sometimes.

Time, time, time, see what's become of me
While I looked around for my possibilities....

Lined Up

I have a lot going on right now. There's a plethora of craft projects and commissions, getting things posted to the store, making weekend plans, cleaning up after my last trip. Somewhere, I need to fit in the balancing of the checkbook and the buying of groceries. I'd like to organize my bills a little better too, so I can keep better track of them month to month. Dot in friends who want to spend time with me and I'm just a busy little bee!

Sorting things out after ignoring everything for two weeks is hard!