Friday, March 16, 2012

Stop It Already

I know you're trying to help, but it's not helping.

First: Thank you for thinking that I'm wonderful and talented and interesting and pretty. Stop implying that eligible men are lined up around the block waiting for me. That is not how it is in reality. I'm not saying that I'm not wonderful or talented or interesting or pretty, I'm saying those things do not equate to some special ability to have any man I wanted. Stop saying that it does. If it worked that way, I would have found someone a dozen years ago and wouldn't be in this mess.

Second: "It's his loss" sounds like such a nice thing to say. You're saying he could have had someone great and he's really missing out because he didn't see it. Thank you, that's kind. But you're also implying that I haven't lost anything when in fact I've lost a great deal. I've lost someone I love through (by his words) no fault of my own. That's a huge loss. Maybe you're trying to say his loss was greater, but my loss is also significant. And, by the way, it was not his loss, it was his choice. You tell me who lost more.

Third: Thank you for being angry on my behalf. Stop telling me I need to forget about his lame ass and find someone else. I used to think I would never give someone another chance to break my heart, but the world isn't that absolute. Sometimes people do deserve second chances. I don't know if Jack does or if he will even want one, so there's no reason to make up my mind on that right now anyway. I appreciate that you would help me hide a body if I wanted that. I don't. Let me decide if someone deserves a second chance with me or not.

Fourth: I'm glad that sites like Match and eHarmony worked for you. If you tell me to sign up one more time I'm going to reach through the computer and throttle you. I've been down that road before and despite being wonderful and talented and interesting and pretty, all I got out of those site were men who wanted to score. They worked for you and that's great, but they didn't work for me. And even if I thought I could get somewhere going that route, I'm not ready so shut up about it.

Please listen to what I'm saying. I know you're trying to help, but when you keep on about these things, it makes me feel like you're not listening at all and it makes me feel worse, not better.

3 comments :

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetie it's ibifdy?
I am so sorry. I've had a busy week . I worked 7 days in a row, and the last time I checked your google blog was last week when you had posted you were crying on facebook. I was thinking maybe you would post something here, knowing it would not be on facebook. I totally agree that is not the proper forum for this.
All I can say is I have been there twice. And the relationships were about a six month duration each. A year and a half and out of the blue is beyond tough.
I hate to tell you this but if you are to healthily move on you will have to go through this process. There is no way around it. A loss of a relationship is no different than losing someone through death as far as the grieving process. Except the person you love is still alive. Trust me on this I know it's torture. Knowing they're still around and you want to be with them so badly and they don't want to be with you and they don't love you the same way. I don't know if you are familiar with "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. The steps of grieving are the same no matter the loss. I've experienced loss even with the loss of a job when I have chosen to leave.
My only advice to you I to try and keep busy to help the edge off the pain you are feeling. Don't bury yourself in activity that's not healthy either. Talk to someone who will listen or write out your feelings.
Remember we are here for you and we love you and you have family and friends and kitties who love you too!
Love,
ibifdy?

Fyrecreek said...

Thanks, Fae.
I know I have to go through the process. My heart still aches. Sometimes I still hope he'll change his mind, and sometimes I wish I could just let it go.

I'm so very tired of hurting.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you hurt. It's good that you realize that there is a process you need to cycle through. It's not like I'd thought you'd listen to all the "advice" that you commented on. I just wanted to make sure you realized that what you are feeling is normal and healthy. Time may not heal all the wounds you feel, but a good scab and scarring will take place in time, on those that don't heal. May the wounds that scar be ones you will with time be able to deal with.
Ah the yes the roller coaster of hoping he'll change his mind and wanting to let go...ugh... :(