Ups and Downs

I had a low moment yesterday. I know they're going to come and go. I just have to let them in as they happen.

But for the future, so you all know:

I do believe...

... that I am wonderful.
... that I deserve happiness.
... that I was in a mutually loving relationship.
... that I was happy in that relationship.
... that I may be happy like that again.
... that I will be ok.

I do not believe...

... that I am worthless.
... that I did something wrong.
... that I'm not allowed to be happy.
... that all my happiness is based on my relationships with other people.
... that he never loved me.
... that I will never recover.


I need to feel through this, the ups and the downs, or I'll shut down and never feel anything again. One day, one step, one moment at a time. I know I'll make it. Just let me have those down moments. They won't last forever, I promise.

In fact, sometimes just writing it out here makes me feel better.

So don't worry (well, you can worry a little if you want to). No man has so much power over me that I'm going to do something crazy like hurt myself. And I've said I've given up on finding a life partner before- heck, I obviously still haven't found him- but I've never really given up. Yes, my heart still aches. It’s not going to go away overnight. But I’ll get there. I’m sure of it.

I'll be ok. This will pass in time. I know I’m stronger than this.