Tuesday, June 05, 2007

What's the Point of Dreams?

I've talked about my grandmother's friend (who is practically a grandmother herself to my brother and I) and how she is reluctantly moving to New Mexico. She told my mother that, when the sale of her house is completed and she gathers the few things from it that she is taking, I can have my pick of whatever furniture and things that she is not taking. My mother says this is wonderful, it will save me a lot of money when I have a home of my own to furnish. It is great, don't get me wrong, and I am so grateful for the offer, but what am I going to do with the stuff until then? I don't have a place to put it or store it (being without said home to furnish), which means I'll have to find some money to pay for storing it. Sure, it will save me money someday, and I'm so thankful that she is giving those things to me, but I can't help but feel like they'll be in some storage place forever.

Last night I had a dream that I had a house. It wasn't in the best neighborhood and was on a busy street corner, but it was mine. There were three bedroom type rooms on the ground floor and a living/dining area and the kitchen and another bedroom upstairs. I was taking some friend (random dream person who didn't resemble anyone I know in life) through my house and showing her what I planned to do with each room. She was helping me decide which one was going to be the master bedroom, and the remaining rooms would be for the computer, a closet for my costumes, a guest room. And there was plenty of space for all the furniture I got from my aunt.

When I woke up from that dream in the early morning hours (as I always do because sleeping through the night is strange and foreign to me) I wanted nothing more to be back in that dream. In that little dream house because that's all the house I'll ever have. I was halfway up the stairs to see the rest of it when I woke up. My dreams did not go back to that house.

So, what was the point? I suppose some of you are thinking "that's the Universe trying to tell you to keep hoping." Sure. That's great. You know how some people do tests on rats? The rodents push a button to get food but get shocked instead? They eventually stop pushing the buttons. They stop expecting food to come out. They stop trying because starving is better than getting shocked again. It's like "the boy who cried wolf" story. The Universe keeps telling me, 'yeah, you'll get this. OH! Fooled you!' then 'yeah, you'll get this. Look! Fooled you again!' then 'this time for real. Nope! Joke's on you!' Why expect anything to change now?

How many analogies can I draw today?

Fooled once, shame on you, fooled twice, shame on me. I'm not going to be fooled into wasting my time hoping again.

5 comments :

Willow Goldentree said...

I've been having dreams about homes too! I remember one in particular, where Glen and I walked out of the front door and it had columns. We stood on the drooping front porch and looked at our dead-grass lawn and I thought, "this is my home." HAHA! My dream house is ugly- at least your's was pretty enough to show a friend. *wink*

Fyrecreek said...

Not much for location though, and everything was rather brown. And definitely more space than what I'm looking for. But it was mine.

By the way, storage space is expensive.

Anonymous said...

Storage space is VERY expensive--might as well use the money toward rent or a mortgage payment. You'll spend more money storing the furniture in a few months than what the furniture is worth.

I'm sorry you are down, Fyrecreek. Sounds like the job falling through was a letdown in many ways. I'm not exactly sure what your line of work is, but is it possible to relocate? Or, have you looked for jobs more to your liking in other areas of the country? This is actually a great time to buy a house (I just had to sell ours for way less than what I wanted--I'm lucky if I break even, but the buyers are getting quite a deal), and in some parts of the country, housing can be quite cheap. I had a wonderful, 3 bedroom/2 bath house on one acre of land in Louisiana for $78,000 (and no property taxes). We got it for a down payment of $1500, and mortgaged the rest...came out to a little over $600 a month. Same house in this neck of the woods would be $300,000 or higher. Heck, RENT in this neck of the woods is twice as much. Also, relocating would allow you to meet new people (I met my husband while stationed in Louisiana). What guy wouldn't dig a cute gaming chick who's into kayaking? Are the men over there where you live nuts or something? I lived in the Pacific Northwest for 3 years, and you'd be the BOMB out there!

Your dreams are very do-able. There are people out there who are not as talented and erudite as you who get the things you are dreaming of--so I know YOU can have them. I think you have the brains and personality to get them accomplished--you're just in a funk right now. I won't insult your intelligence and tell you to "think positive" and all that happy horsesh-t. You're a cool chick. Take your time and wallow for a little bit--hell, we ALL do it. But once you're back to your old self (because you WILL be, it's hard to keep a good woman down), keep looking around--I'm sure an opportunity will present itself and you'll be all over it. Laurel

Anonymous said...

BTW--you got the "shame on you/shame on me" comment correct, and that's more than I can say for our president. If that nitwit can be PRESIDENT, for gosh sakes, YOU, girlfriend, can have a house, family, and the job of your dreams. The universe can't be THAT unjust! Laurel

Fyrecreek said...

That's great. On my current salary, I could afford something like that. But since my job isn't located there, the real question is: Are there jobs that will pay me what I make now so that I can afford something like that? I've found that where housing is less, people are paid less too. That won't solve the problem (especially since I have nothing to bring to the table as a down payment).

The new houses they're building up the road from me are "reduced" to the 700's. Homeownership is impossible unless you're rich or have more than one income to support it. And I've given up on men, so that second part won't happen.